Should we call you Billie Joe or B.J.?
Some people call me Billie, some call me Billie Joe—either is fine. But only my father-in-law calls me B.J. And he’s the only one who’s allowed to.

Got it. So, B.J., what’s the coolest thing about being in the most ginormous punk band on the planet?
Playing the big shows. You look out at an arena filled with 50,000 people going totally nuts, and you think, Holy fuck, there’s no place in the world I’d rather be than right here, right now.

Not bad for a high school dropout. Do you ever regret quitting school?
Not really. I was so far behind that it basically would have been impossible for me to graduate. We’d started the band, we were playing shows, and we’d just recorded our first EP. I finally realized that high school didn’t make any sense for me then. So I quit. But things seem to have turned out pretty good for me.

What were you like as a kid? Class clown? Ladies’ man?
I mostly just smoked a lot of weed. We didn’t have much money, so we had to ration a lot: cleaning the pipe for the resin, typical stoner shit. Every time I tried to quit smoking pot, they’d come out with some new invention like gravity bongs, and I would think, Well, I can’t quit now, I haven’t tried that yet!

You have famously chugged Robitussin, smoked pot, and taken truckloads of speed. What drug 
will you never do again?
Definitely acid. I don’t regret doing it, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t do it now. I’m way too neurotic. I’d be, like, sitting in the corner sucking my thumb for nine hours.

Green Day might be the most political band in rock right now. Would you ever run for office?
Nah. I was in the Green Party for a while, and I’d like to be more politically active, but running for office would be a drag. It’s way too…“Christian.” You have to be such a saint. Which basically means you have to be a liar.

There’s a new stage musical based on American Idiot. Have you ever thought about acting?
I got a lot of offers in the mid-’90s, around the time of Dookie, typical clichéd teenage shit. But I wouldn’t want to do film right off the bat. I’d rather start small—maybe a play or an Internet skit on Funny or Die. I like to make people laugh.

Who would play you in a biopic?
God, I don’t know. Someone taller than me would be cool. No, someone shorter, like Tom Cruise! Like in the Doors movie, how everyone was uglier than the people actually in the band.

You’ve been married to the same woman since you were 21. Please defend monogamy.
I’ve known Adrienne for 19 years, so there’s a trust and a faith there. You can get into some freaky shit! Plus, if you have one day where the sex is disappointing, you’ve always got another shot to redeem yourself.

All right, Mr. Hair-Dye-and-Guyliner: Does the carpet match the curtains?
Actually I’m running hardwood floors. [Laughs] A little manscaping is a great thing. You gotta keep it tight.

You have two sons, ages 10 and 14. What kind of dad are you?
I’m all kinds of dad. There’s a side of me that can be pretty conservative—but on the other hand, my sons will bring their friends to shows, and they’ll be like, “Holy shit, look at those tattoos! Your dad is crazy!” I used to coach Little League, too, until they were 10. Then I was out of my depth. My skill level is that of a decent 11-year-old.

Have you talked to your sons about your 2003 DUI arrest?
No, and I never will. No one wants to hear about the night their dad spent in jail. That’s one thing in my life I’m not proud of—it was a dangerous situation. It was one of those “everything” nights—beer, wine, shots. And I’m only about 5’8” and 145 pounds. On the way home I ran a red light, and the next thing I knew I was in the back of a cop car. Not one of my prouder moments.

Did it hurt your feelings when Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols called Green Day “phony” and “a wank outfit”?
No. That guy doesn’t really have anything nice to say about anybody. He’s kind of a harmless old man. Who cares? It’s all just pissing contests.

Speaking of which—is it true you sometimes piss the bed?
OK, this is what happens: If I’m wasted, I have a hard time finding the bathroom. So it’s not peeing the bed—it’s peeing wherever I am. Like a few months ago I came home pretty drunk, and the next day Adrienne goes, “Do you know you went to the bathroom in the closet last night? You flushed the hanger.”

You’re not exactly known as a religious guy. What do you think happens when we kick the bucket?
I’m pretty sure I’ll have to settle some disagreements with the Man Upstairs when my time comes. But at least I’m not Michael Jackson, with Elvis Presley waiting in heaven to kick my ass. Elvis is up there right now with a pair of brass knuckles with Michael’s name on them. Speaking of which, I hear they’re trying to find a new King of Pop. I’d like to throw my hat into the ring.

Done. But when it’s finally your time to go, what do you want your tombstone to say?
I don’t care—as long as it’s not 'time of your life.'