Debase yourself at America’s wildest karaoke parties.

 

1. Porn Star Karaoke
Sardo’s Grill and Lounge, Burbank, CA

Scene: Spray-tanned porn chicks and skeevy stroke-flick directors molest the mike at this dive bar’s popular Tuesday night screamfest. Try not to be distracted by the overwhelming scent of baby wipes and Ron Jeremy’s recently touched balls.

Playlist: “Like a Virgin,” Madonna; “My Neck, My Back,” Khia; “Sister Christian,” Night Ranger

2. Model Karaoke
Cipriani, Downtown New York City

Scene: Barely legal Estonian mannequins warble off-key to the delight of the oily party promoters who sent a Town Car to the “model dorm” to ferry them here. Don’t leave your drinks unattended, ladies!

Playlist: “Russian Roulette,” Rihanna; “I Touch Myself,” Divinyls; “Don’t Cha,” Pussycat Dolls

3. StrippAroke
Devils Point, Portland, OR

Scene: The tattooed, Suicide Girl–type dancers at this “rock’n’roll strip club” might accidentally kick you in the head during your song because they’re swinging on the pole next to you, but remember that some weirdos (like us) pay extra for that.

Playlist: “She’s Lost Control,” Joy Division; “Talking in Your Sleep,” the Romantics; “Holiday in Cambodia,” Dead Kennedys

4. Punk Rock Heavy Metal Karaoke
Fontana’s, New York City

Scene: Plaid-shirted hipsters and American Apparel–bedecked hotties semi-ironically kick out the jams in front of a live band that has seen a million faces and rocked ’em all since 1999.

Playlist: “The Number of the Beast,” Iron Maiden; “Where Eagles Dare,” Misfits; “Jailbreak,” Thin Lizzy