Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water

Here’s a few things we figured out from Limp Bizkit’s moronically-titled new album. 1) Fred Durst doesn’t give a fuck. He tells us so. Lots of times, in fact. 2) Limp Bizkit know loads of famous people. Like Pauly Shore. And Scott Weiland. Fred Durst even gets messages on his answering machine from Mark Wahlberg. 3) They’re also “down” with lots of real live hip-hop stars like Method Man, Redman and DMX. 4) Limp Bizkit are not a particularly terrible band, but Fred Durst is an abominable MC and lyricist. When he raps he sounds like Ned Beatty in Deliverance, squealing like a pig as he gets violated by a backwoods redneck. His singing is marginally better, though we are then burdened by the full weight of such cliché-ridden, fourth-grade truisms as “This time I’m gonna let it all come out/This time I’m gonna stand up and shout/I’m gonna do things my way…It’s my way or the highway” (from “My Way”). 5) The fact that Limp Bizkit may very well be the biggest band in the world right now is making us re-evaluate our opinion of the world. And we didn’t really think that highly of it before.