Your new album is titled Rock and Roll Jesus. Aside from a love of rock, what do you and the Son of God have in common?
Probably the long hair. And I wish I could learn that water-to-wine trick. I’m scared to send my children to church with all the crap going on there. I shouldn’t say more than that, because it’s a touchy subject. But whatever, people need to stop being so fucking uptight.
What’s more important, a hit song on the Billboard charts or a hit song in the strip clubs?
I don’t give a screw about awards or charts. As a man who wants everyone to do well in this country, a song like "So Hot" is a great way for me to support single moms.
Do you still have a stripper pole in your studio?
I’ve got a portable one. Put a pole in a room and girls can’t help themselves. All girls want to be sexy. It’s like having a keg at the party rather than cans of beer.
Is being a rock star the easiest way to get laid?
This story sums it up: A kid’s sitting on his dad’s lap, and the dad says, "Son, someday you’ll love a woman as best you can, but then another man will come along and love her 10 times better. That man is called a musician." I used to call myself Pimp of the Nation, but I had to step it up to International Baller.
What’s your craziest groupie story?
There’s one involving a shady time in a bathroom with a kid on a skateboard with no legs. That’s all I can say.
Kid Rock answers fans' questions on Blender.com!
What?! What does that even mean?
I’m not ready to kiss and tell. It’s stupid when guys brag about all the crazy sex they’ve had, because then they get cut off. I don’t want to be cut off.
Is the 4,000th groupie b.j. as good as the first?
They’re all equally evil.
You think anonymous sex is evil?
I didn’t used to. When we were starting out, sex is the reason we played: "Let’s finish this fucking thing. There are blow jobs to be had and liquor to be drunk."
How is playing guitar different from having sex?
It’s easier to put the guitar away when you’re done. Which brings us to Pamela.
Your ex-wife, Pamela Anderson. What’s the latest?
I’m making a record, and from what I hear she has her swimsuit on and is telling people to sign up for DirecTV.
Any truth to the rumors that you broke up because she was in the Borat movie?
When you hear stories like that in the tabloids, it’s not "sources"; it’s almost always the other person. I don’t need to answer to crap like that. I don’t tell Us Weekly which parties I’m going to. I write songs.
So some stars are in cahoots with the tabloids?
Absolutely. Anytime somebody complains about being in the tabloids, it’s bullshit. "How do I keep getting caught on-camera?" Maybe because you fucking called them? I’ve seen that evil wheel work from the top. It’s the biggest lie in the world. "I don’t like to be bothered. They harass my children." Well, if you call them and tell them where you’re going, you’re playing that game.
Ever get in trouble for calling bullshit?
I can say things without getting in trouble. Maybe somebody will knock me off my high horse, but I feel if I got caught in an alley with a hooker and a crack pipe, I’d be a hero. "Aw, it’s the Kid. Screw it." It’s not like I’d be ashamed because I’m a senator.
Any regrets about wearing the American flag as a poncho at the Super Bowl halftime show?
Who is anyone to tell me how to display my patriotism? I understand what that flag means. I’ve been to Iraq twice. I spent Christmas there. Who’s that dickhead senator from Georgia who ran his mouth off about me?
Kid Rock answers fans' questions on Blender.com!
That fucking idiot said I’d be ridden out on a rail. Well, Zell, let’s go to Iraq and see those kids on the front lines, and we’ll find out who gets ridden out on a rail. ’Cause it won’t be me, you old fucking dumb white man.
Did it sting to be banned from performing at President Bush’s inauguration bash in 2005?
I only wanted to do it because it was so weird. I did a show for the Republican Convention, but only because they paid me a fuckload of money. I still have that rap mentality: "Screw you, pay me."
How would you run the war differently?
I’d kick the media out. War’s not pretty, and you can’t fight a war diplomatically. We didn’t win the Revolutionary War like that. We were the original terrorists, ducking behind buildings and crap. As harsh as this sounds—and I’m sure I’ll get crap for it—if somebody kills an American soldier in a certain section of town, I’d blow up that section of town. I’d do what the Israelis do and take out 50 motherfuckers. I’d say, "Next American who gets killed, 50 more innocent people. Start giving up insurgents or we’ll wipe out your fucking block." You gotta fight fire with fire.
Let’s talk beer. Do you prefer quantity or quality?
Quantity. I’m the Tiger Woods of drinking—the best in my sport. This is a beer gut, and I paid for it, so screw you.
Plan on touring until it becomes embarrassing?
I hope somebody tells me if I become embarrassing. I don’t want to be touring with four other bands that were big in my era for $10 a ticket. I don’t want to be doing infomercials like, "You may remember me from such rock’n’roll hits as ‘Bawitdaba’…"
What about becoming a gun nut like Ted Nugent?
I like guns. I shoot a lot of groundhogs.
Which of your lyrics would make the best epitaph?
"Back in black and if you have to ask you can kiss my Anglo-Saxon ass."