Perfect for when you've just taken the world's biggest dump.
There's something about construction equipment that just makes guys want to play with it. It's big, it's chunky, it's brightly colored, it has the power to crush stuff into tiny pieces - it's like everything we enjoy, rolled into one sturdy, wipe-clean package. But while we'd be happy just to take your standard bulldozer for a spin (preferably through our junior high school cafeteria), there's a new monster truck out there that we want to drive more than any giant drive-able thing we've ever seen before. Meet the 75710 from Belarusian company BelAZ, the 892-ton monster dump truck whose budget apparently went into everything except thinking of a more eye-catching name. Designed for hauling away mined rock, it can carry up to 500 tons in temperatures ranging from -58F to 122F, meaning it would function in either of the two options apparently available to the Maxim office's central air settings. It only seats two people, but come on, if you got to drive this thing, you wouldn't want to share it with more than one other person either.
Now, raise your hands if you're thinking that this thing would make for an awesome Transformer? It could be called something kid-friendly and exciting, like Dumpinator, say, or Motherfuckertron. Hell, we'd even sit through the brain-destroying crap-fest that was Transformers 2 if we could see the beast take on Devastator. And then maybe reverse over Shia LaBeouf with a full payload.