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Maxim's Best Holiday-Themed Pickup Lines

 
You're going to be at a lot of holiday parties in the next week or so. Be prepared with these thematic one-liners that are sure to get you a date... Obviously, we're experts.*


*Editor's note: Maxim's pickup line experts are actually just three perverted little elves by the names of Nick Leftley, Ken Gee, and Laura Leu.



Photo: sdominick/ iStockphoto.com| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013

 
"Wanna come over and erect my festivus pole?"
 
"I've got a tree you could trim."
 
"Nice Christmas sweater. Wanna bang?"
 
"Let's play Blizzard. I'll be the snow, and you can blow me."

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. If that gets you hot, call me."


"Can you smell chestnuts roasting? Me too. Let's get these pants off."

"I shaved my pubic hair into the shape of some mistletoe. Do I really need to finish this pickup line?"


"Is your name Jingle Bells? Because you look like you go all the way!"

"Is it Christmas? Because it looks like I've just pulled a cracker! Huh? What do you mean, that joke only works in Britain? Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm going home for a cup of tea and a wank."


"Should I try another one of these hilarious Christmas-themed pick-up lines on you, or shall we just go have rough sex behind the manger in the nativity scene?"

"You make my balls jingle."

 
"Excuse me, but you're really stoking my yule log."

"You make my chestnuts roast."


"Would you mind if I frosted your snowman?"

"May I kiss you under the camel toe? (oops, that's kind of gross…)"




Check out 5 Elves You Won't Find In Santa's Workshop This Christmas and The 5 Worst #MyChristmasWish Tweets