Last week: 10–4   |   Season: 25–19   (Look at it this way, if I had a Ph.D, only 43% of my patients would die. This doctor is most definitely IN!)

Buffalo 1
New Orleans 1½
Two bad teams that play bad together. No one wins with this game. Not the fans, not the loser and especially not the winner. But especially not the loser.

San Diego 24
New England 27
The Pats have lost so much: first it was the Super Bowl (wait, no, they won that); then it was their coordinators; then it was All-Star linebacker Tedy Bruschi; and last week they lost defensive captain Rodney Harrison and offensive tackle Matt Light. All of my football logic tells me I should pick the Chargers to win this game. And that's why I'm taking the Pats.

Detroit 17
Tampa Bay 34
Great news, Lions fans: Joey Joe Joe Harrington has about four games left in his NFL career. Once Jeff Garcia is healthy, he's going to come in and save the day…by losing more games than he wins. You truly are a blessed city, Detroit.

Indianapolis 30
Tennessee 13
Will the Colts finally get their offense on track and score more than 13 points this Sunday? According to my pick, yes, they will score more than 13 points. So there you have it.

Seattle 20
Washington 17
I can't figure the Skins out. Sure, they're undefeated, but their two wins have come at the hands of the Chicago White Sux and a last-second prayer against Dall-Ass. Could they be this year's '04 Jaguars, winning every game by two points and pulling off last second victories? Maybe, but not this week.

Denver 20
Jacksonville 21
Or maybe the Broncos will win.

Houston 12
Cincinnati 24
This game should get ugly early. On the flip side, when I'm out at a club, trying to spit my game, I sometimes go ugly early. There's no football-related connection between those last two sentences. Just throwing it out there.

St. Louis 20
NY Giants 27
Admit it: Eli looked good last week. He showed some poise, made good decisions and put a few points on the board. He just might turn out to be a solid NFL quarterback after all. All right, that's it for kissy, smoochy hour. Eli has a stupid face. Ahhh, that felt good.

NY Jets 0
Baltimore 16
13 words: If Brooks Bollinger gets injured, Vinny Testaverde will play in this game…boobs.

INCORRECT PICK OF THE WEEK
Philadelphia 17
Kansas City 20
Let's face it, sometimes it seems Donovan McNabb's favorite receivers are named "In the Dirt" and "Over My Head". Now his accuracy will take another hit as he plays through a "sports hernia". Sidenote: Put the word "sports" in front of any injury, and it automatically sounds cooler. And I should know, I've been suffering from "sports bloody stool" for quite a while.

Dallas 17
Oakland 24
The Raiders know that this game is their season. Already deeper in the hole than Harry Reams with their 0–3 start, the Raiders must win this game if they want any chance at the postseason. On second thought, who am I kidding? The Raiders have a better chance of making their fans not look like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert extras than making the playoffs.

Minnesota 17
Atlanta 24
Hey everyone, the Vikings are back on track! Did you see how great they looked last weekend? Mewelde Moore was running the ball, Culpepper was doing that awesome paddy-cake dance he does after touchdowns and their defense shut down Joe Horn and Deuce McAllister. Look for them to keep that win-train a'rolling again this week…with a loss!

UPSET OF THE WEEK
San Francisco 21
Arizona 20
I'd never thought I'd say this, but Arizona is really going to miss Kurt Warner.

Green Bay 17
Carolina 27
Can we just cut to the last week of the season when the Packers, after losing 14 games, somehow pull out a tear-jerking victory to win their last game under Bret Favre? No? We have to sit through this game instead? Well, I guess I should get another sixer of Bud Ice.