Last week: 9–6   |   Season: 60–41   (I really hope I pick nine games right this week.)

Cleveland 17
Houston 13
This game will finally decide which is the most glamorous city in the nation: Cleveland, Ohio or Houston, Texas.

Arizona 17
Dallas 24
The Tuna must've been on a rampage after last week's disastrous loss to the Seahawks. He fired his kicker, was screaming during practice, and if my sources are correct, he was so mad that he grew a large ball of fat around his mid-section.

Jacksonville 20
St. Louis 17
Jamie Martin at QB + injured receivers + interim coach + stout Jacksonville defense = 20–17 loss. Trust me, I'm a mathmagician.

Minnesota 20
Carolina 23
Now that all the huggy, feely, sentimental "win one for the city" crap is over with after last week's last second win against the Pack, can we please get back to balls-to-the-wall-boat-orgy-madness that results in good old-fashioned Vikings losses?

Watch This!
Washington 21
NY Giants 27
Last week was huge for both quarterbacks: Eli got a huge boost of confidence from his comeback win and Brunell celebrated his 135th birthday. Congrats to both!

Chicago 13
Detroit 10
I've got a totally awesome joke for you. Ready? OK: The winner of this game is in first place in the NFC North. Oh crap, wait a second. That joke totally sucked.

Green Bay 13
Cincinnati 24
The Bengals bungled their coming out party last week. Sure, they're still on top, but a win against the hated Steelers could've made a statement. A statement that wasn't, "We took a football in the corn chute."

Oakland 23
Tennessee 24
Or maybe the Raiders will win.

Watching This Is Like Watching Your Pants Fill With Crap
Miami 20
New Orleans 17
Ricky Dub goes against his old team. (No, not the Phish Fan Club, the Saints.) As of right now, the Rick is rushing for .6 yards per carry. All the excitement of facing his old squad should push that average up to at least .8 or .9 ypc—which should be enough to beat the sinking Saints.

Kansas City 24
San Diego 17
I'm going out on a limb and guessing that the Eagles' blueprint for stopping LT is going to be copied by the Chiefs this week. And that reminds me, I need to copy Jay-Z's The Blueprint from hip-hop's No. 1 tie-wearing fan, Paul "Three Seconds in the" Ulane.

Game O' Da Wizeek
Philadelphia 17
Denver 27
Despite the Iggles' big win last week, Donny Mac looks worse than Joan Rivers canoodling River Phoenix. (If you can tell which one died 12 years ago, let me know.)

Tampa Bay 24
San Francisco 10
San Fran's Alex Smith has easily been the worst quarterback in the league for the past couple weeks. And to give you an idea of how this game is going to go: His backup is starting this game.

Buffalo 17
New England 24
One's good, the other's QB'd by a guy named Kelly. You do the math. (Then e-mail me before noon on Sunday.)

Baltimore 14
Pittsburgh 24
Baltimore's on the road, they don't have Ed Reed, they don't have Ray Lewis and they don't have an offense. Um, I'll be watching hockey. (I'm kidding of course. Hockey's only for Canadians and inmates.)