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Even when he's making demands
Ron stays tru to his street spelling. |
You may want to sit down for this: For the second straight season, Ron Artest has completely destroyed his team's chances at a title. (You can stand up again now.) After more than doubling the number of games he played for the Pacers last year, the NBA's very own Terrell Owens Media Migraine® skipped over management and went straight to the press with his trade demands. Now that his displeasure is out in the open, Indy's totally handcuffed: the entire league knows it can offer way below market value for the disgruntled defensive player of the year. So where will Ron DNP go next? Let's take a look at some of the rumors—all of which, in their infant stages, are like Marv Albert's hair: impossible to take seriously.
Atlanta Hawks
Trade bait: Al Harrington
Downgrade for the Pacers: This might be their best option: They can stick the guy who's screwed them on a crappy squad and pick up a talented player they reluctantly parted with in the first place. Besides, what could be more therapeutic for Ron Ron's ill temper than Hotlanta's world-renowned strip clubs?
Realistic? If this summer's two-and-a-half month Joe Johnson signing fiasco means anything, Artest will win the NBA's Citizenship Award before we see Atlanta management move on such a high-profile deal.
Sacramento Kings
Trade bait: Peja Stojakovic
Downgrade for the Pacers: If this was 2003…in the early rounds of the playoffs…of the World Beard Championship…maybe this makes sense. As it is, he's losing his shooting touch and he looks worse on defense than Dennis Rodman looks in a wedding dress.
Realistic? Might be. The Pacers want to ship Ron Ron out West to get as far away from him, and R&B supergroup Allure, as possible.
New York Knicks
Trade bait: Antonio Davis' contract
Downgrade for the Pacers: Eh, who knows. After they clear all of that cap space, the Pacers could make a run at a big-name free agent in the off-season—like Ron Artest. (I hear he's a game-changer.)
Realistic? Indiana hasn't heard from the Knicks yet, so…ah hell, who am I kidding? As you read this, Isiah Thomas is probably working on a package deal that involves Stephon Marbury, Larry Brown, and the Strokes.
Seattle SuperSonics
Trade bait: Vladimir Radmanovic
Downgrade for the Pacers: A soft big man who launches threes and complains about playing time is just what a team with chemistry issues needs.
Realistic? The Sonics are struggling on defense and don't use Radmanovic anymore, while the Pacers want Artest out West. Sounds like the perfect fit. (Then again, so did
Joey and Must See TV.)
Miami Heat
Trade bait: Antoine Walker
Downgrade for the Pacers: The more teams he plays for, the more teams he gets traded from. On the other hand, after dealing with Artest's antics, 'Toine's mild temper tantrums about minutes will be as welcome in Indiana as deep-fried Twinkies.
Realistic? Pat Riley's done crazier things—remember that time he let John Starks play in a Finals game?
