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Posted Saturday 12/31/2005 1:27 AM in
Sports by Jordan
What to watch and what to flee like an Iraqi voter this college bowl season.
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JoBus Sixth-Annual Defense of the BCS
JoBu’s Bulbous Predictions
JoBus Bulbous Preseason Top 26
JoBus Bulbous New Years Bowl Guide
JoBus Seventh-Annual Defense of the BCS
JoBus Bulbous Predictions
JoBus Bulbous Predictions
JoBus Weekly Top 26
JoBu’s Bulbous Predictions
JoBus Bulbous Predictions (Special Phil Fulmer Edition)
Backstory: The Frogs are one loss against the worst football team of the last decade away from the depths of undefeated irrelevance known previously by only Tulane, Marshall, and West Virginia Senator Robert Byrd. Iowa State would forfeit its left ovary for those heights of irrelevance. 
Backstory: That season-shaped brown stain on college football's Craftmatic belongs to the nation's other perennial bed-soiling FSU. After taking Oregon and USC to double-zeroes, the Bulldogs were taken behind the crack house by Nevada and La. Tech in succession. But Fresno does tend to show up in bowl games. Unlike, say, spectators. 
Backstory: The Wolf Pack had to squeeze out a win over Maryland in their final game just to become bowl eligible. South Florida, meanwhile, is the team Art Gigantino might have squeezed out just before closing down the men's room at Fox Sports' L.A. studios. 
Backstory: January comes early this year. Out of eight post–New Year's bowls, two of them might be this good. 
Backstory: You've got to be a real crap palace to rank lower than Boise and El Paso on the list of dumpiest bowl cities. And yet, here's Shreveport. 
Backstory: Top-10 offenses, bottom-10 defenses, and a five-and-10 host city. If the contagion of neighboring Juarez, Mexico's virulent water supply doesn't give you crippling stomach cramps, any effort made by either team to stop the ballcarrier will. 
Backstory: Sponsored by Gaylord Hotels. 
Backstory: The Pac-10 doesn't play a game east of El Paso, while the ACC would send its schools to Outer Mongolia if it meant another bowl slot. By the way, Outer Mongolia would beat Utah. 
Backstory: The triumph of RU landing its first bowl game in 27 years is kind of overshadowed by the fact that they had to suck rotten shithole for 27 years to achieve it. 
Backstory: Defensive coordinator Mike Hankwitz will be your interim coach for the Buffaloes, while Tommy Bowden has been your interim coach for the Tigers the last six years. 
Backstory: Christ, this may be the worst bowl season since last fall's dysentery outbreak in Zimbabwe. 
Backstory: Should be a nice change of equally insipid climate for Central Florida fans. Aw, I'm just playing around. There won't be any Central Florida fans there. 
Backstory: I went to Kansas once. Total shithole. Still, 75 times better than Houston. 
Backstory: For seafaring folk, the Midshipmen spend more time on the ground than Paris Hilton's elbows. They're the nation's No. 1 rush offense, while the Rams couldn't stop a hard-boiled egg from running. 
Backstory: In 2003, Cal was 7–6 headed into the Insight Bowl against Virginia Tech and you'd have thought they were playing the championship round of the Mathlympics. Now, at 7–4, the Sugar Golden Bears are "stuck" with the Mormons? If Tom Holmoe were alive today, he'd be aghast at the ingratitude. And then he'd lose to BYU by 14.
Backstory: The Holiday Bowl of lowly, inadequate sub-major conferences, boasting recent finals of 52–35, 64–61, and Seventy-suck to Forty-fuckmyface.
Backstory: The embattled city of New Orleans will be spared at least one cataclysmic disaster this season with the relocation of this toxic soup of infectious football runoff, highlighted by the indigent Indians' first bowl appearance since the Korean War. 
