If these aren't the final 2006 standings, the France family can just add an 11th playoff race.

1. Jimmie Johnson: Cheatin' Chad won't get caught before every race.

"Chad, I really think NASCAR is going to notice if you add afterburners."

2. Tony Stewart: Fat Tony's a six-time champ at the Ryan's Steakhouse buffet, so challenging for a third Cup title should be cake. Three helpings of cake.

3. Carl Edwards: With the number of races Carl is sure to win this year, his celebratory flip will be as clichéd as Jay Leno's monologue. And my jokes.

4. Jeff Gordon: Sure that wasn't Robby Gordon driving the 24 car last year?

5. Greg Biffle: Biffle keeps on winning races, keeps on contending for championships, and keeps on being ignored by fans.

Daze of Thunder

Any hack columnist can predict the top five Daytona 500 finishers. I predict the top five and the guy who will finish 17th!

1. Jeff Gordon

2. Dale Earnhardt Jr.

3. Matt Kenseth

4. Elliott Sadler

5. Tony Stewart

17. Dale Jarrett

6. Matt Kenseth: NASCAR's biggest Metallica fan needs to Ride the Lightning all season instead of dropping another Load in his pants through the first half of the campaign.

7. Kurt Busch: Busch is itching to prove that he's more than just a product of the Roush complex. Or maybe's he's just itching from herpes simplex.

8. Ryan Newman: Considering this guy couldn't get along with Rusty Wallace, how long until he beats Kurt Busch to death with a cell phone? The over/under is the Bristol night race.

9. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: When you have more crew chiefs (two) than wins (one) in a season, that's a recipe for disaster. This is a recipe for jambalaya.

10. Jamie McMurray: McMurray must meet the lofty standards Kurt Busch set with this team. Namely, being an obliging target for Jimmy Spencer's raining fists.