Go Hoosiers!

March is here, and we all know what that means: Larry Brown is secretly interviewing for a new job. But it also means that Jim Nantz and a bunch of college coeds covered in body paint are going to obsess over seeds like a gold-digging groupie. I say stick with the pros during the playoff push, and here's why.

High scores
Holy Christ, I'd rather sit down for lunch with Bill Laimbeer than sit through another 24–22 half. Everyone gloats about how the NCAA provides athletes who are full of pride and emotion, but would it kill them to pump some talent in there, too? All of those missed lay-ups, free throws, and study halls are worse for American basketball than Allen Iverson. And it's not just a shorter shot clock and eight more minutes of game time—with the new rules in the NBA, scoring's higher than the Portland Trailblazers.

Dance team brackets
Look here. Do you want to spend the next couple of weeks tracking sweaty, still-developing college boys in tank tops or sweaty, full-grown women in spandex? The decision is easier than choosing between a WNBA game and…well…anything else.

Less white people
I dare you to look at the benches of some of these schools without sunglasses. What is this, golf?

Why settle for the developmental league?
You really believe that these kids are playing their hearts out just to represent Oral Roberts? All of that hustling and diving for loose balls is really a tryout for the chance to represent Nike next year. Enjoy your highlights of Johnny Walk-On double dribbling in the last minute of a blowout loss. I'll just skip right to the grown men capable of knocking down open jumpers—and trophy wives.

No Koach K kommercials
The less I have to listen to the face of Duke basketball lecture me on what truck I need to buy, the less I have to use my Bryant Reeves signature earplugs. I get it—he's a great guy who cares about his students' lives off the court (which we learned all about from last year's string of American Express spots). But judging by his players' track record at the next level, maybe more time in the gym, and less time in the TV studio, is what this Dookie 4 Life needs.

Don't doubt the King
If LeBron is too good for school, so am I.