Note to Dateline: less xenophobia-baiting
stories, more interviewing Maxim hotties.
That fine bastion of journalism, Dateline NBC, is under fire from NASCAR officials for planting men in traditional Muslim attire at Martinsville Speedway in order to attract abuse from NASCAR fans. Would it really be news that a guy dressed like a Taliban leader might be taunted in a place where drunks fly the Confederate flag? Yet contrary to everything we believe about racing fans, NASCAR claims the men were not treated poorly—which is easy to explain. A few guys with funny beards have nothing to worry about—it's the following things that really take a beating on race day.

  • Jeff Gordon fans.
  • Track owners other than Bruton Smith or the France family.
  • Anyone with good taste.
  • Kurt Busch's pit crew.
  • The average fan's wallet.
  • PBR cans.
  • Elastic waistlines.
  • Anything that's not sponsored.
  • Goodyear officials.
  • The English language.
  • Verizon customers.
  • Tony Stewart's small intestine.
  • Petty Enterprises.
  • Hybrid car owners.
  • Busch Series regulars.
  • Earnhardt haters.
  • Wine drinkers.
  • Maxim Online reporters.
  • Democrats.