Wondering how overrated Dale "Two Wins in Two Years" Earnhardt Jr. really is? Consult my easy-to-read chart and you'll never mistake the popular driver with a misunderstood condiment again.
OVERRATED
"An Apple a Day"
I went to the children's cancer ward every day for a month and gave each kid an apple. The doctors wouldn't go away, and those kids still died. You know what really keeps the doctors away? No health insurance.
Michael Waltrip
I have no doubt that Toyota's technology will be dominating NASCAR by 2017, but I have to question its decision to stake its first season on a guy who couldn't win a Saturday night go-kart race. Without his trusty Daytona rocket, Waltrip can barely outrun Scott Wimmer.
Clean Underwear
My fiancée is out of town this week and I haven't changed my underwear in days. Nobody here in the office seems to mind—although they did move me to an airtight storage closet with a case of air fresheners.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.
"I'll be the first to admit that we had a lot more exposure over the last five or six years given to us that's sort of out line compared to what we've won and how we've run," Earnhardt said after the Richmond race. That sounds like the definition of overrated to me.
Jeff Gordon
It's easy to fall into the trap of overrating Gordon—you really want to think the four-time champ can win any race at any time, but the realty is, he's not even the best driver on his own team. Jimmie Johnson is clearly better, and Kyle Busch just chirped his tires on his way past the veteran.
JUST RIGHT
Kyle Petty
No driver's popularity and longevity are more out of whack when compared to results than Kyle Petty's. But Kyle's not overrated because no one actually thinks Kyle will win a race—two top-fives in nine years tend to lower expectations—it's his tremendous charity work and general likeability that justify his popularity. In fact, he might even be underrated—except for that rat pelt he calls a hair style.
UNDERRATED
Jeff Burton
Sponsorless and drifting toward Sterling Marlin–like irrelevance at Roush Racing, Burton has been a big part of this year's revival at Richard Childress Racing. He's knocking on the door of the top 10 and, with three top-10s in the last four races, he's on pace to pass stumbling Casey Mears and Old Man Jarrett before the end of the month.
Clean Socks
While clean underwear gets all the press, a pair of clean socks is the article of clothing that can really make a difference in your day. The only thing that can bring down fresh socks is a pair of Tevas.
Clint Bowyer/Denny Hamlin
Rookies, like Oliver Stone, tend to be overhyped ad nauseam. Faster than you can say Brendan Gaughan, yesterday's hot rookie quickly becomes today's Ricky Craven. In the cases of Clint and Denny, however, these two look like the real deal. Bowyer has three top 10s, while Hamlin won the Bud Shootout and has collected two top-five finishes. Either one of these guys could slide into the Chase—or they could become the next Mike Skinner.
Horseradish
Steak, chicken, chocolate cake—everything tastes better with a little bit of this spicy root. Yet for some reason, I have trouble getting this condiment at my favorite restaurants (Burger King, Olive Garden, the soup kitchen). Ketchup flows like PBR in Bristol, but horseradish is as rare as a spring sellout in California.
Scott Riggs
Riggs couldn't qualify for the Daytona 500, putting him in a hole deeper than Britney Spears' navel. He's quietly back in the top 25, however, ahead of more hyped drivers like Bobby Labonte, Robby Gordon, and, of course, Michael Waltrip. Then again, none of those guys decided growing a soul patch was a good idea.