Sorry for the late update this week (and for missing out on making picks for last week’s race) but the incompetents at Time Warner Cable—the Morgan-McClure of internet providers—fucked up my internet all week. But Track Marks is back for the stretch run and ready rank the drivers who are almost as bad as Time Warner’s customer service.
THE POWERLESS FIVE

Name Rank LW

Greg Biffle 5 —
I’ll let a loser Biffle fan boy—Les Toth—offer his retort this week “its not his fault for getting the chunky end of the stick when it comes to engines plus getting punted by slimeball robbie gordon batboy kurt busch etc” Maybe, but it is his fault for driving like a 6-year-old at the go-kart track for the first time.

Robby Gordon 4 1
Don’t worry Robby, leaving debris all over the track after a crash isn’t a finable offense. If NASCAR fined for sucking, you’d be selling your plasma just to pay your tire budget.

Jeff Burton 3 —
All that talk of Burton’s championship was a bit premature. Even more premature than a high school sophomore losing his virginity to the prom queen.

Michael Waltrip 2 2
Despite making five more starts, Waltrip trails Tony Raines by 93 points. By the end of the season, his brother might pass him in the standing without even running a race.

Scott Riggs’ Crew 1 —
Way to go tough guys. You beat up a girl. Nice one. Who are you going to fight next week? Kyle Busch? Kyle Busch’s mom?