 |
| Apparently, this guy really knows how to party. |
Do you have any favorite drivers?
I was always a big Dick Trickle fan. I had a Dick Trickle mailbox and my grandmother actually ran into it. She knocked the Dick right off the Trickle—that kind of pissed me off.
Dick Trickle is a gift for hack NASCAR columnists like myself. The punch lines write themselves. Like…um…I can't think of one right now, but—
I used to say Dick Trickle sounds like a disease. You better get a shot before Dick Trickle turns into Fuzzy Zoeller.
How about any current drivers? Do you root for anyone now?
I like Michael Waltrip and Kyle Busch.
Waltrip and Busch? That's sort of like a mayonnaise and peanut butter sandwich.
Michael Waltrip came and picked me up one day in the lobby to take me to my show. I gotta tell you, getting a NASCAR driver to take you to your gig—strap on. That was a scary trip, but he got me there in 2.7 seconds. Dick Trickle was gone, so I didn't have another racer. So we became friends and I became a Michael Waltrip fan. Kyle Busch and I have done a couple of events together. We had a great time. I like Kyle a lot.
| Victory in Vegas |
| Any hack columnist can predict the top five UAW-DaimlerChrysler 400 finishers. I predict the top five and the guy who will finish 17th! |
| LAST WEEK Top five: 2/5 17th: 0–1 |
| SEASON Top five: 4/10 17th: 0–2 |
| 1. Tony Stewart |
| 2. Kyle Busch |
| 3. Jimmie Johnson |
| 4. Casey Mears |
| 5. Matt Kenseth |
| 17. Joe Nemechek |
Kely seems kind of dry.
Kyle has a great sense of humor, especially after 2 A.M.
He's from Vegas. Have you ever hit the Strip with Kyle?
No, and thank God. I might be dead. I hung with him when I was grand marshal of the race in Sonoma and then we did the CMT music awards together.
Sonoma doesn't really seem like your crowd. More wine-and-cheese than beer-and-pork-rinds.
Sonoma was a blast. I am not much of a road course guy, but I had a great time. There's no difference between a wine drunk and a beer drunk. I signed just as many titties in Sonoma as I did in Talladega.
How many of those titties actually belonged to women?
There were probably more guy tits at Talladega.
What's the strangest thing anyone's ever asked you to sign?
An appendix scar. This woman, about 300 pounds from Canada—so about 270—says to me, "Will you sign my scar?" I go, "What?" She shows it to me. That was pretty weird. Then, of course, you get your titties and ass cracks and that kind of thing. But that's mostly from family members.
You've been inspiring people to "git–r–done" for years now. How much progress has America made toward completing r?
The r is 85 percent completed. I am not going to put a timeline on the last 15 percent. I know when it might be done, but I can't tell you. Then I will have to start printing up T-shirts that say "Got–R–Did."
Any predictions for this week's race in Las Vegas?
I think Tony Stewart will win. He's another friend of mine. I spent an evening with him after the Talladega race just telling stories. It wasn't about racing or comedy—it was just regular guy stuff like house paint.
He was just shilling for his sponsor, Home Depot. You've been used, Larry!
I love the Home Depot. I love that guy who got his ass glued to the toilet at Home Depot and got mad 'cause nobody came to rescue him. Well, who is going to do that? If you hear a guy struggling in the toilet saying, "I can't get off!" you're not going in there. The thing that really irritated me about the whole thing was they couldn't find one product in the whole store to unglue his ass from the toilet. It's unbelievable. That's why I only poop at Lowe's.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector hits theatres on March 24.