Ground crews that dance
We're way too compassionate to enjoy such humiliation. Can you imagine that job interview? "Well, Mr. Smith, your ability to water down dirt is exceptional, but we have one last question: Can you do the Macarena?"

Marriage proposals
Call us old-fashioned, but it's hard to find the romance in a proposal that takes place in between the whiny kid eating ice cream out of a batting helmet and the fat guy with three decades worth of collector's pins on his hat.

 

 

The Kiss Cam
It's the proposal's ugly little sister, featuring some lame couple sitting together passionless until the hyperactive crowd forces them to share a peck on the cheek. Wake us up when someone invents the Blow Job Cam.

"Charge!"
Does that octogenarian organ player think everyone in the crowd is sheep? Oh, wait. They are. We're pretty sure this is what Germany looked like in the '30s.

The Wave
We just paid $25 for a nosebleed seat and eight bucks for a warm beer. Now if you'll pardon us, we're going to sit on our ass and let the rich guys on the field do all the moving.

 

 

Peanut vendors who throw the bag
Every section's got one and, somehow, every section is filled with people who are impressed. Go ahead and whoop it up for the 50-year-old man in the neon shirt whose only skill is throwing bags of snacks accurately, but we choose to pity him.