1.    Which item does Rangers reformed train wreck Josh Hamilton not have in his locker?

A.    A left-hander’s catcher’s mitt. “Just in case.”
B.    Fish oil vitamins. “Because I don’t eat a lot of fish.”
C.    Crack residue lodged in zebra-striped G-string. “This interview is over!”

2.     What of the following rule changes was implemented in the 2009 season?

A.   Hosting teams are required to give Prince Fielder no fewer than three eggplant parm heroes before every inning.  
B.    Awkward interviews with players with little to no understanding of English must be at least five minutes in length. Repetition of questions in a louder, slower voice is encouraged.
C.    Coin tosses will no longer be used to award home-field advantage for one-game tiebreakers held to determine division champions or wild-card teams.

3.     Thanks to his brand of steroid, Manny Ramirez may be the first major league baseball player to:

A.   Hit 85 homers in a season.
B.   Be banned for life.
C.   Breast-feed.

4.     Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez was benched for “fatigue” in June. How did A-Rod rest up after sitting out a game against the Florida Marlins?

A.    Washed his hair with kabbalah water.
B.    Wiped his ass with $100 bills.
C.    Went out partying with Kate Hudson in Miami Beach until 2:30 a.m.

5.     True or false:

The top ticket at Yankee Stadium at the beginning of this season was $2,500 for one game. In 1996 the same seat cost $2,025—for the entire season.