If these aren't the final 2006 standings, the France family can just add an 11th playoff race.
1. Jimmie Johnson: Cheatin' Chad won't get caught before every race.
2. Tony Stewart: Fat Tony's a six-time champ at the Ryan's Steakhouse buffet, so challenging for a third Cup title should be cake. Three helpings of cake.
3. Carl Edwards: With the number of races Carl is sure to win this year, his celebratory flip will be as clichéd as Jay Leno's monologue. And my jokes.
4. Jeff Gordon: Sure that wasn't Robby Gordon driving the 24 car last year?
5. Greg Biffle: Biffle keeps on winning races, keeps on contending for championships, and keeps on being ignored by fans.
6. Matt Kenseth: NASCAR's biggest Metallica fan needs to Ride the Lightning all season instead of dropping another Load in his pants through the first half of the campaign.
7. Kurt Busch: Busch is itching to prove that he's more than just a product of the Roush complex. Or maybe's he's just itching from herpes simplex.
8. Ryan Newman: Considering this guy couldn't get along with Rusty Wallace, how long until he beats Kurt Busch to death with a cell phone? The over/under is the Bristol night race.
9. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: When you have more crew chiefs (two) than wins (one) in a season, that's a recipe for disaster. This is a recipe for jambalaya.
10. Jamie McMurray: McMurray must meet the lofty standards Kurt Busch set with this team. Namely, being an obliging target for Jimmy Spencer's raining fists.
1. Jimmie Johnson: Cheatin' Chad won't get caught before every race.
 |
| "Chad, I really think NASCAR is going to notice if you add afterburners." |
3. Carl Edwards: With the number of races Carl is sure to win this year, his celebratory flip will be as clichéd as Jay Leno's monologue. And my jokes.
4. Jeff Gordon: Sure that wasn't Robby Gordon driving the 24 car last year?
5. Greg Biffle: Biffle keeps on winning races, keeps on contending for championships, and keeps on being ignored by fans.
| Daze of Thunder |
| Any hack columnist can predict the top five Daytona 500 finishers. I predict the top five and the guy who will finish 17th! |
| 1. Jeff Gordon |
| 2. Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
| 3. Matt Kenseth |
| 4. Elliott Sadler |
| 5. Tony Stewart |
| 17. Dale Jarrett |
6. Matt Kenseth: NASCAR's biggest Metallica fan needs to Ride the Lightning all season instead of dropping another Load in his pants through the first half of the campaign.
7. Kurt Busch: Busch is itching to prove that he's more than just a product of the Roush complex. Or maybe's he's just itching from herpes simplex.
8. Ryan Newman: Considering this guy couldn't get along with Rusty Wallace, how long until he beats Kurt Busch to death with a cell phone? The over/under is the Bristol night race.
9. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: When you have more crew chiefs (two) than wins (one) in a season, that's a recipe for disaster. This is a recipe for jambalaya.
10. Jamie McMurray: McMurray must meet the lofty standards Kurt Busch set with this team. Namely, being an obliging target for Jimmy Spencer's raining fists.