Remember that '80s sitcom about the half-alien teenage girl who never menstruated and could stop time by touching her index fingers together? Well, if it were up to these jerkoffs, she would be holding the stopwatch for every NCAA football game…
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| Under the old rules, Bevo seldom made it an entire game. |
"WHEREAS the newly-implemented NCAA rules relating to the operation of the time clock reduce the number of executed plays and the length of games; and…"
So far, so good…
"WHEREAS the aforementioned reduction in the number of executed plays limits the opportunity for today’s athletes to scale the heights of record-breaking and historic athletic achievement by reducing the number of opportunities for the exhibition of excellence beneath the limits that were customary for their predecessors; and…"
Wait…where were these clock mobsters when the NCAA started counting bowl games in a player's regular season stats? Or when they allowed the permanent scheduling of a 12th game every year? Today's college football player has ample opportunity to "eclipse his predecessors." It's how Larry Johnson claimed over 2,000 rushing yards in 2002 and how Mark Mangino will break the regular season cholesterol record in 2006.
"WHEREAS the aforementioned reduction of playing time during a single game reduces the amount of value delivered to the fans who (through their tireless donation, devotion, and travel) fund intercollegiate athletics; and…"
We college football fans are the real heroes. Do we get 72 virgins in the afterlife for enduring this kind of hardship? First of all, television networks fund intercollegiate athletics. The NCAA fucked this $400 million streetwalker long ago and has been harboring the herpes of venal servitude to her ever since. Want that to change? Stop buying Tostitos, you fucking whiners.
"WHEREAS the aforementioned reduction of playing time further complicates the clock management of football by coaches in a manner that subordinates to the service of television revenue both the integrity of the game and the interests of players and coaches…"
Deal with it, you pussies. College coaches have been given a free pass on shitty clock management for years. Some of us, however, would like to get out of a college football game with enough time to catch the second half on television. Whoops sorry! That's just USC fans!
TIME IN A HALF
It's rare that we're given a second chance at life. But with 10 to 15 fewer plays per game, college football fans have some real thinking to do about how to spend this precious new gift.