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Maxim Saves the Economy

As the US government scrambles to save the economy from a severe recession, we here at Maxim have, once again, devised a plan to save America: cancel the NCAA Tournament. No, not forever—just for a few years, until we get inflation and credit problems under control again. After all, it is reported that the US economy now loses over $1.7 billion in productivity every March and April

Rather than entertaining the masses for three weeks, here are a few examples of how we could put our basketball assets to work:

--Send Tyler Hansbrough to single-handedly rebuild New Orleans

--Promote the use of Dick Vitale as a renewable energy resource

--Send Coach K and his Dark Army of Blue Devils to find Osama Bin Laden

--Appoint Digger Phelps as Secretary of Color Coordination for the Homeless

--Elect Stephen Curry Honorary President

--Hand over all interrogation duties at Guantanamo Bay to Bobby Knight

--Order Robin Lopez to contribute to, and head, the Locks for Life Campaign

--Allow Billy Packer to make official apologies to the rest of the world for slavery, the Trail of Tears, the atomic bomb and the production of the movie Norbit.