Accidents will happen, sure. But you mean to tell us that guys whose primary responsibility is to keep themselves in shape, who have an army of trainers and physicians on 24-hour call, can’t do a better job of injury prevention? Buck up, boyos.

Moises Alou, New York Mets
Some say that Alou can’t stay on the field because he’s old. Others say that he can’t stay on the field because he falls a lot, which is what old people do. Whichever side you’re on, you have to agree that old people have no place in baseball or society.

Rich Harden, Oakland A’s
He ranks as the most frustrating baseball player on the planet, in that he dominates when healthy but is healthy less often than a child born without an immune system. Hence we’re nominating Harden for quarantine. To ease his transition into bubble-boy solitude, we’ll pony up a pile of old Maxims for his germ-free tomb.

Eric Chavez, Oakland A’s
Threadbare shoulder tendons, bulging discs in his back—Chavez has fewer unmolested body parts than Jenna Jameson. See, that’s an appropriate analogy because Jenna Jameson is a porn star who gets groped for a living. Appropriate!