There are those you want on your side during one of baseball’s slappy-shovey bench-clearing brawls—like Gary Sheffield, whose crazy-eyed glare and whip-fast bat affirm that he is an individual with whom one should not fuck. And then there are these guys.

mlbChickens_jeeterArod_article.jpgAlex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
They’ve got the heft and athletic instincts to do damage if they so choose. What they lack is what sports-radio caller and behavioral scientist alike refer to as “balls,” as witnessed by their let’s-chortle-about-our-portfolios conversation on the edge of the infield during a Yankees/Mariners scrap some years back. Besides, their sideburns are just too beautiful to put at risk.