What happened: L.A. left fielder Manny Ramirez, he of the savant-like hitting abilities and "Rain Man" personality, has been suspended for violating baseball’s drug policy. The details haven’t come out just yet, but in a statement released by MLB Manny claims to have treated a personal health issue with a medication that, unbeknownst to him, was banned under the policy. Bad prescribing physician! Bad!

What it means: No Manny for 50 games, to begin with. That means the Dodgers will have to play Juan Pierre in left field for the time being. That’s like downgrading from a Porsche to a skateboard, or from ESPN to The Hallmark Channel.

Who it’ll affect: Well, the Dodgers—duh. And Manny himself, both because he suddenly finds himself with a lot of time on his hands (which he’ll use to sell his personal belongings on eBay, we suppose) and because the positive test could ramrod his Hall of Fame chances. As silly as it sounds, because we have no way to know definitively who did steroids (cough! Brady Anderson! cough!) and who didn’t before baseball started testing, the moralists will count this as a permanent black mark on Manny’s Hall of Fame resume.

Also, Red Sox fans did a little schadenfreude jig when Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte, pillars of the Yankee championship dynasty, were accused of HGH usage in the Mitchell Report (overarching conclusion: “everybody did performance-enhancing drugs all the time always everywhere even in the back seats of taxis”). When Alex Rodriguez’s supposedly confidential positive test result for steroids was disclosed in February, Sox fans wept with joy in the streets. You think Yankee fans might have a little something to say today about the two Boston titles being tainted, no matter how many drug tests Manny passed since the policy went into effect?

In conclusion…: It’s yet another crappy day for baseball. Would somebody please do us a favor and throw a no-hitter tonight? I’m looking at you, Dan Haren.