Baseball players are getting better at shutting their yaps when a microphone flutters in front of their face. But sometimes, they forget that they’re wired and/or in the presence of a media-type individual and… well, let’s let the clips do the talking.

Some time ago, Hall-of-Famer Brett endured a less than pleasant dining experience at The Bellagio in Las Vegas. His report of the gastrointestinal distress that ensued, which includes sound effects, is borderline Shakespearean in its twists and turns. Plus Brett gets bonus points for his fluid end-of-rant transition from poop to pitching.

Power quote: “When was the last time you shit your pants? Been a while?... I get three-quarters of the way out the lobby and all of a sudden I go, ‘Oh, fuck.’”

Amazingly, not even the presence of a microphone can keep Giambi from unleashing a whimsical ode to his just-grown ‘stache. Of course, in these three minutes, he exhibits more effortless, fraternity-house charisma than Derek Jeter has in 13-plus seasons. That probably explains why Jeter has endorsement deals with Ford and Gatorade, and Giambi… doesn’t.

Power quote: “When it’s lighter, it’s definitely ‘70s porn star. When it gets a little bit full, I definitely could be the pizza delivery man. Right now, if I had some mirrored glasses, I definitely could be a state trooper… You gotta watch what you eat, because it can stay in there for days.”

According to Roger Clemens, at no point did Roger Clemens ingest a performance-enhancing substance, nor did Roger Clemens have anyone inject Roger Clemens with such substances. To “prove” this, Roger Clemens taped a call with his chief accuser, former trainer/best bud Brian McNamee, without McNamee’s permission. The end result is sad (owing to McNamee’s obvious desperation) and infuriating (owing to Clemens’ underhanded tactics) enough to make you want to take a bath.

Power quote (by Clemens): “You just need to come out and tell the truth… For the life of me, I’m trying to figure out why you tell guys I do steroids.” (by McNamee): “What do you want me to do? My son is dying. He’s ten... What do you want me to do? I’ll go to jail, I’ll do whatever you want.”

It seems so long ago that Howard Stern outfitted a young, decidedly non-flaxen-haired intern with a microphone and sent him out to ambush celebrities with inappropriate questions (our favorite: “Who are you?”). The celebs ordinarily might have pushed back, but John’s stutter kept them in front of the microphone, lest that they come off as insensitive. Former Dodgers skipper/roving ambassador for the game Tommy Lasorda, happily, stuck around for a whopping four questions.

Power quote (by Lasorda, when asked “how much do you want to bet that Pete Rose is gambling again?,” as he chomps on a Good Humor bar): “That’s not a good remark. That’s not a good remark.”

Pete Rose’s mauling of Ray Fosse at the end of the 1970 All-Star Game did not, contrary to popular myth, end the catcher’s career. Fosse was an all-star again the following season and didn’t fade away until after screwing up his neck while breaking up a clubhouse fight in 1974. But that doesn’t stop the super-classy Rose from perpetuating the myth.

Power quote: “As far as I’m concerned, all I did was make Ray Fosse famous… I spit on him and left.”

On first glance, what’s most stunning about this clip is Bench’s wardrobe: his duds, especially the cheap fedora, wouldn’t have been out of place on a 1950s sock-hop chaperone. But then the reporter asks an innocent question about Pete Rose and Bench half-loses his mind. You gotta love how, when order is restored, Bench answers the question about the game’s best active catchers with all the vitality of a corpse.

Power quote: “Why are you asking me?... Why am I involved with this?”