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NFC East | NFC West | NFC North | NFC South | AFC East | AFC West | AFC North | AFC South NFC East 
EAGLES ’04 record: 13–3 Off-season action: The Eagles could’ve done nothing and still won the NFC East again. Instead, they made 11 solid if unspectacular draft choices. At least a couple of those guys, like DT Mike Patterson and WR Reggie Brown, are bound to have an impact. ’05 buzz: Provided the front office can get T.O. back on the field, and McNabb can learn the two-minute drill, they’ll once again be NFC title favorites. For what that’s worth. COWBOYS ’04 record: 6–10 Off-season action: Bill Parcells wants Big D to mean defense again, which explains his first three draft picks: LBs Demarcus Ware and Kevin Burnett and DE Marcus Spears. He also dropped an over-the-hill QB (Vinny Testaverde) for an aging one (Drew Bledsoe). That’ll help. ’05 buzz: All-Maxim S Roy Williams and the rooks will crank up the defense while hotshot RB Julius Jones and co. carry America’s Team back to the postseason—whether you like it or not. GIANTS ’04 record: 6–10 Off-season action: With only four picks, the Giants did nothing mind-blowing in the draft. Their big free-agent signing? WR Plaxico Burress, without a doubt the best NFL receiver ever…named Plaxico. ’05 buzz: Brash young QB Eli Manning, who started seven games last year, should learn a lot over a full season. But it’s gonna be a few years before anyone’s comparing him to his older brother—or his team to the Colts. REDSKINS ’04 record: 6–10 Off-season action: Coach Joe Gibbs said Patrick Ramsey was his man, then drafted QB Jason Campbell with the 25th pick. The team also got CB Carlos Rogers (but lost Fred Smoot) and added WRs David Patten and Santana Moss (but lost Laveranues Coles). ’05 buzz: We’ll say this for owner Daniel Snyder: He’s nuts. And as long as he treats players as toys to fiddle with until he gets bored, his teams will continue to suck. ..top.. NFC West 
SEAHAWKS ’04 record: 9–7 Off-season action: New CB Andre Dyson and DE Bryce Fisher are good, but probably not as good as the guys they replace—Ken Lucas and Chike Okeafor. In other words, last year’s 26th-ranked defense could be even worse. ’05 buzz: Chances are RB Shaun “Mo’ Money” Alexander will run for bunches of yards, QB Matt Hasselbeck will throw bunches of TDs, and coach Mike Holmgren’s brow will bunch when the ’Hawks fold in December. RAMS ’04 record: 8–8 Off-season action: The good news? Mike Martz shored up last year’s porous D by signing LBs Chris Claiborne and Dexter Coakley and S Michael Stone. The bad news? Mike Martz is still in charge.(We think he’s an alien.) ’05 buzz: The passing game will light it up as usual, but unless RB Steven Jackson (673 rushing yards and four TDs in 2004) suddenly wakes up as Marshall Faulk circa 2000, these Rams will be lucky to finish .500 again. 49ERS ’04 record: 2–14 Off-season action: New coach Mike Nolan and top pick Alex Smith have loads of brains and chutzpah. They’ll need ’em to ease the shotgun QB into a tricky West Coast scheme (without a single clutch receiver) while switching the defense from a 4–3 to a 3–4. ’05 buzz: The NFL told Nolan he can’t wear a suit on the sideline. The rest of the league will show him he can’t turn this once-proud franchise back into a contender in one year. CARDINALS ’04 record: 6–10 Off-season action: Two-time MVP Kurt Warner and scrappy rookie RB J.J. Arrington should boost the 27th-ranked offense. Adds Eisen, “They’ve got a more ferocious logo.” ’05 buzz: Warner’s an old gunslinger with a pair of hot young targets, WRs Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. Sack master DE Bertrand Berry and rookie CB Antrel Rolle will make noise on D. Those facts—and the fact that the NFC West blows—are promising signs. ..top.. NFC North 
PACKERS ’04 record: 10–6 Off-season action: Green Bay tweaked its pathetic secondary by picking up free agent DBs Earl Little and Arturo Freeman and got a draft-day steal in QB Aaron Rodgers. But with that crazy Favre guy still in town, he won’t see any meaningful snaps for at least a year. ’05 buzz: WR Javon Walker’s on the rise, but a lackluster off-season and two aging stars—Favre and RB Ahman Green—mean this year’s Pack may be packing it in early. LIONS ’04 record: 6–10 Off-season action: Yet again they grabbed a WR (Mike Williams) with their first draft pick. Add in veteran TE Marcus Pollard and QB Joey Harrington has no excuse not to light it up—aside from sucking, of course. ’05 buzz: If Joey can’t deliver, new backup Jeff Garcia—who we say should start—will try. The last time he played for coach Steve Mariucci, he made his third Pro Bowl. Yes, that was 2002, but this could be the Lions’ year. VIKINGS ’04 record: 8–8 Off-season action: Moss went west and RB Onterrio “Whizzinator” Smith is suspended for the year, but defensive additions DT Pat Williams, LB Sam Cowart, DE Erasmus James, and DBs Fred Smoot and Darren Sharper may just resurrect the Purple People Eaters. ’05 buzz: If Nate Burleson and rookie WR Troy Williamson can fill Moss’ shoes, the Vikes could make a Super Bowl run. Too bad Mike Tice already sold his tickets to the game! BEARS ’04 record: 5–11 Off-season action: To help third-year QB Rex Grossman, the Bears grabbed two offensive studs in rookie RB Cedric Benson and last year’s receiving yardage leader, WR Muhsin Muhammad. They also got the goat of the Jets playoff loss to the Steelers, K Doug Brien. ’05 buzz: A lot rides on new O coordinator Ron Turner morphing Grossman into a dependable, injury-free signal caller. Or else da Bears will again be among da worst. ..top.. NFC South 
BUCCANEERS ’04 record: 5–11 Off-season action: Coach Jon Gruden scored instant ground-game help in the draft with RB Carnell “Cadillac” Williams. But the O line’s still paper-thin, and the defense ain’t getting any younger. ’05 buzz: Can you guess which of owner Malcolm Glazer’s two teams (the other is Man United) will thrive? Williams and WR Michael Clayton will make this the Bucs’ most exciting rebuilding season yet! PANTHERS ’04 record: 7–9 Off-season action: A lot of stars, like DT Kris Jenkins and WR Steve Smith, are back from the injuries that killed the Panthers last year, and they’ve added DBs Ken Lucas and Idrees Bashir and versatile G Mike Wahle. But they also lost WR Muhsin Muhammad, who had, oh, 1,405 yards and 16 TDs last year. ’05 buzz: If they stay healthy, the Panthers could challenge the Falcons for the NFC South crown. But we’re not holding our breath. FALCONS ’04 record: 11–5 Off-season action: Though it gave up DT Ed Jasper, the defense should get even better with the addition of LB Edgerton “Mini Ray Lewis” Hartwell (97 tackles for the Ravens last year). ’05 buzz: With first-round pick Roddy White, plus Dez White, Brian Finneran, and Peerless Price, Ron Mexico has a fleet of mediocre WRs to drop his sometimes wild passes. But he’s also got Pro Bowl TE Alge Crumpler, and we hear he’s pretty good on his feet. The Falcons will fly again. SAINTS ’04 record: 8–8 Off-season action: They were dead last in total defense last year, yet three of the Saints’ first five draft picks are offensive guys, including OT Jammal Brown and troubled QB Adrian McPherson. They did sign FS Dwight Smith and LB Levar Fisher, but a couple of new starters does not an entire defense make. ’05 buzz: Thank God New Orleans is a city that knows how to drink. That’s the only way it’ll survive another wild and hopeless season. ..top.. AFC East 
PATRIOTS ’04 record: 14–2 Off-season action: With D coordinator Romeo Crennel off to the Browns and O man Charlie Weis heading up Notre Dame, Bill Belichick is left pulling levers all by his lonesome. “They’re like the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” says Eisen. “It’s just a flesh wound.” ’05 buzz: The Patriot’s hot first-round pick? Unknown guard Logan Mankins. But we’ve quit doubting the greatest NFL dynasty to win all its Super Bowls by three points. They’ll be fine. DOLPHINS ’04 record: 4–12 Off-season action: Nick Saban’s arrival from LSU already has the Fins facing more discipline, and rookie RB Ronnie Brown should be the answer to a 2004 running game whose highlight was Sammy Morris’ 523 yards. Plus, there’s always Ricky… ’05 buzz: Says our expert, NFL Network lead anchor Rich Eisen, “If these Dolphins give birth to more than four wins, that’d be good.” Heck, we’d call that miraculous. BILLS ’04 record: 9–7 Off-season action: Cement-legged Drew Bledsoe has been, um, sacked in favor of second-year mystery QB J.P. Losman, who’s completed all of three passes in his NFL career. At least he’ll have ex-U. of Miami rookies Roscoe Parrish and Kevin Everett to throw at. ’05 buzz: Led by LB Takeo Spikes, the NFL’s second-best defense will hold its place, and a younger, revamped offense can’t help but exceed last year’s eighth-worst squad. Right? JETS ’04 record: 10–6 Off-season action: WR Laveranues “Spelling Bee” Coles has returned from the Deadskins in exchange for WR Santana Moss. He’ll join former Titans offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger and the Jets spellbinding first draft choice, K Mike Nugent! ’05 buzz: Can defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson and stud LB Jonathan Vilma lift the Jets past the Patriots and into the Super Bowl? Oh, wait, we’re talking about the Jets. ..top.. AFC West 
BRONCOS ’04 record: 10–6 Off-season action: The Broncos popped another star running back out of their factory with Reuben Droughns, who they shipped to Cleveland. What’d they pick up? A doomed-career therapy group including DE Courtney Brown, DT Gerard Warren, 42-year-old WR Jerry Rice, and RBs Maurice Clarett and Ron “10 Percent Chance of Thunder” Dayne. ’05 buzz: Once again high hopes will be suffocated in this oxygen-deprived town. CHIEFS ’04 record: 7–9 Off-season action: DBs Patrick Surtain and Sammy Knight, plus LBs Kendrell Bell and Derrick Johnson, are the latest attempt to fix K.C.’s horrible D. Their offense, of course, is fine. WR Johnnie Morton got cut, but they drafted a guy named Craphonso Thorpe! ’05 buzz: “If the defense can hold teams to 20-some-odd points per game, they’ll be dangerous,” says Eisen—which is as likely as Dick Vermeil going a day without crying. RAIDERS ’04 record: 5–11 Off-season action: WR Randy Moss going to Oakland is like Shaq heading to Miami: Even tipsy QB Kerry Collins gains credibility. And pissed-off former Jets backup RB LaMont Jordan will give the Black Hole its first real running threat since Charlie Garner. ’05 buzz: We’re not saying they’re going all the way…or even halfway. But Moss, and Warren Sapp’s mouth, should make Al Davis’ West Coast Pirates fun to watch for a while. CHARGERS ’04 record: 12–4 Off-season action: First-round DE/LB Shawne Merriman should bring speed to the defense. The Chargers also re-signed QB Drew Brees, and they’ve still got super RB LaDainian Tomlinson and top TE Antonio Gates. In other words, they’re stacked—on offense, at least. ’05 buzz: We admit we missed the ferry on this Cinderella team from last year. So let’s all agree the Chargers are no joke…and dare we say they’ll win the AFC West again? ..top.. AFC North 
STEELERS ’04 record: 15–1 Off-season action: Plaxico Burress is out, replaced (sort of) by former 49ers WR Cedrick Wilson. Rookie TE Heath Miller should snare a few TDs to make up the difference. ’05 buzz: Almost all the pieces are still in place, but why don’t we have confidence? Maybe it’s the way QB Ben Roethlisberger threw balls to playoff defenders like they were free T-shirts. We do know one thing: They’ll lose more than two games this year. RAVENS ’04 record: 9–7 Off-season action: Ex-Titans ball hog Derrick Mason and first-round steal Mark Clayton give the Ravens a major receiving upgrade for new O coordinator Jim Fassel. LB Peter Boulware got cut over cash, but hey, Jamal Lewis is out of the clink! ’05 buzz: With great defense and good running, QB Kyle Boller doesn’t even need to be excellent to Dilfer this squad right back into the playoff hunt. BROWNS ’04 record: 4–12 Off-season action: Losing Kellen Winslow Jr. for the year (again!) ain’t good, but stealing away Pats defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel as the new head coach is a huge step. Still, hyped rookie WR Braylon Edwards had better catch a lot of passes from QB…Trent Dilfer? ’05 buzz: We’ll buy you a hot dog when Winslow plays a down. Regardless, the Browns should win a game or five—even if they draft worse than Winslow rides a bike. BENGALS ’04 record: 8–8 Off-season action: Thankfully, RB Rudi Johnson and unpronounceable WR T.J. Housh-mandzadeh have re-signed. New defensive coordinator Chuck Bresnahan will try to bring a little swagger to a 19th-ranked squad that stumbled like fraternity drunks last year. ’05 buzz: Showboating WR Chad Johnson will catch enough bombs from rising QB Carson Palmer to almost snap a 14-year streak of nonwinning seasons. Almost. ..top.. AFC South 
COLTS ’04 record: 12–4 Off-season action: On offense WRs Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, and Brandon Stokley are all returning, as is franchised RB Edgerrin James. Unfortunately, the Colts’ slightly less-impressive defense (29th in yards given up per game last year) is also unscathed. ’05 buzz: We don’t care if Peyton Manning throws 100 touchdown passes. As Eisen points out, “The Colts have Patriotitus, and there are no known antibiotics at this point.” TITANS ’04 record: 5–11 Off-season action: WR Derrick Mason, DBs Andre Dyson and Samari Rolle, T Fred Miller, and K Joe Nedney are all gone, leaving a team even more gutted than the Niners. But, hey, they drafted the player with the coolest nickname in football—CB Adam “Pacman” Jones. ’05 buzz: Even with USC offensive guru Norm Chow stepping in to inspire a healthy but haggard Steve McNair, Tennessee is officially the AFC’s newest cellar dweller. JAGUARS ’04 record: 9–7 Off-season action: The biggest gamble of the off-season was the Jags’ surprise drafting of superfreak QB/TE/WR Matt Jones in the first round. Will he be QB Byron Leftwich’s Randy Moss or a taller, whiter Kordell Stewart? ’05 buzz: Gimpy RB Fred Taylor won’t roll up the points, but massive DTs Marcus Stroud and John Henderson will help the defense make most offenses look like the 49ers’ taxi squad. If only they played in the NFC… TEXANS ’04 record: 7–9 Off-season action: CB Aaron Glenn was dumped in favor of bitchy Phillip Buchanon to go with Dunta Robinson. First-round DT Travis Johnson is an animal, but new LB Morlon Greenwood is no Jamie Sharper. ’05 buzz: Houston’s an ugly place, and this team’s even uglier, but oft-sacked QB David Carr gets better every year. Notes Eisen: “Houston could have a playoff run in them this century. But it’s still very early in this century.” |
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Expert AnalysisNFL Network lead anchor Rich Eisen offers his own admittedly apprehensive picks for the regular season and playoffs. Let the drunken debates begin!
*Wild Card The Maxim Curse Last year we put Kellen “Knievel” Winslow on our All-Maxim team. Here’s who’s screwed in 2005! 
Phil her up: To make up for last year’s Super Bowl “comeback,” Eagles coach Andy Reid runs the two-minute drill on every possession. The pace causes McNabb to heave Chunky soup every game, and the team goes 1-15. But for once they don’t choke in the playoffs!
Calling Jamal: After going to jail for using a cell phone in a drug deal, the Ravens’ Lewis cancels his FamilyTime plan. He falls out of touch with friends, gets depressed, and loses his edge. However, the Ravens play the Browns twice, so he still runs for 1,000 yards.
Down Pats: Tom Brady’s retinas are fried by Bridget Moynahan’s hotness and Bill Belichick picks up a near-fatal fleece sweatshirt allergy. But after Troy Brown steps in at QB and Bill returns in a wife-beater, New England wins Super Bowl XL by (surprise!) three points.
Skins disease: Washington owner Dan Snyder hires John Madden as coach for $20 million a year, trades Clinton Portis for Maurice Clarett, and names Tom Landry’s corpse O coordinator. It’s far too late to cure his megalomania, and his head explodes in week 8.
Lion share: Steve Mariucci’s finally got his pet QB, Jeff Garcia. First game, he’s passing for 500 yards—until stud WRs Charles Rogers, Roy Williams, and Mike Williams collide on a crossing route, snapping their collarbones and ending their seasons simultaneously.
Phish food: With Ricky Williams back, Miami’s ready to rock. But he’s brought so much quality Acapulco gold that everyone totally mellows out. Half the players quit to form a jam band, while the rest join NFL Europe’s Amsterdam Admirals. Bummer, dude.
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