As if there weren't enough things about NASCAR to laugh at, those rubber-burning racers had to give each other these nicknames.
<strong>Jeff "The Rainbow Warrior" Gordon</strong>- When rumors about Jeff Gordon's sexuality dogged the champion driver, NASCAR fans put their heads together to devise an ultramasculine nickname for their hero. When that didn't work, they apparently stole this one from Andy Dick.
<strong>Jeff "The Rainbow Warrior" Gordon</strong>- When rumors about Jeff Gordon's sexuality dogged the champion driver, NASCAR fans put their heads together to devise an ultramasculine nickname for their hero. When that didn't work, they apparently stole this one from Andy Dick.
<strong>M&M "Chocolate Thunder" Pit Crew</strong>- The team behind driver David Gilliland renamed themselves "Chocolate Thunder" after opponents failed to be intimidated by a car emblazoned with brightly colored M&Ms (or "vitamins" as they are called by couch-ridden NASCAR fans).
<strong>"J.J." Yeley</strong>- His real name is Christopher Beltram Hernandez Yeley, but that doesn't stop the Interstate Batteries driver from rocking the nickname "J.J.". The double J's stand for Jimmy Jack, after Yeley's uncle Jimmy and father "Cactus" Jack. It's sad, just like guy's who go by the nickname "Junior" well into their 50s. Now "Cactus" Jack is a moniker we could get behind.
<strong>Darlington Raceway, a.k.a. "The Track Too Tough to Tame" </strong>- Built in 1949 to accommodate this new thing called NASCAR, Darlington wound up egg-shaped instead of oval after the land owner refused to allow the track near his minnow pond and wanted the west end narrowed to avoid a fishing hole. So fishin' trumps racin'? When the hell did this start?
<strong>Kevin "Happy" Harvick</strong>- Kevin Harvick earned the "Happy" nickname for his nice-guy personality. So when he won both the Nextel and Busch series races the same weekend in Daytona this year, corny writers couldn't wait to break out lines about nice guys not finishing last. It's the kind of stuff that makes assholes smile.
<strong>Kurt "Ears" Busch</strong>- When Kurt Busch began his career his giant donkey ears made him look like well a jackass. So Busch did what any guy with big-ass ears and $5 million would do: He hired a plastic surgeon to pin them to the back of his head.
<strong>"Front Row" Joe Nemechek</strong>- A knack for qualifying near the head of the pack earned "Front Row" Joe Nemechek his nickname—and 17 pole-position starts. But with only 16 wins (his last in 2004) ole "Front Row" isn't known for finishing what he starts. Put that coffee down, Joe. Coffee is for closers!
<strong>Ricky "El Diablo" Bobby</strong>- It's, like, Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken.
<strong>"Cousin" Carl Edwards</strong>- Office Depot driver Carl Edwards does back flips off his car, fought with Dale Earnhardt Jr., and was slammed as the "Eddie Haskell of racing" by Tony Stewart. So even though he's called "Cousin Carl" because of his relation to NASCAR driver Ken Schrader, we like to think of him as our favorite delinquent cousin who taught us to steal dad's hooch and burn down the neighbor's toolshed.