Powerless 5

THE POWERLESS FIVE

If NASCAR is really looking for more excitement in the Race to the Chase, it needs to remember just one thing¿sex sells. So to improve the Powerless 5, I’ve added more sexual innuendo this week.

Name Rank LW

Michael Waltrip 5 ¿ Michael, I wish I could quit you, but when you finish 31st, it makes it so hard.

Kurt Busch 4 2 The best part about Kurt’s recent futility is the absence of his lame “snow angel” celebration. It’s almost as fake as his fiancé. (Yes, I did go there. Does she have a valve behind her neck to blow her up?)

Ryan Newman 3 ¿ Did Kurt Busch steal Newman’s pole mojo? His Penske teammate has 5 poles to Rocketman’s 2. (Also, is “Pole Mojo” a great title for gay porn or what? Not that I would know. I am just saying.)

Scott Wimmer 2 1 Finally, something nice to say about Wimmer: He qualified 17th¿his best of the season. But he peaked a little early and finished an unsatisfying 30th.

Todd Kluever 1 ¿ The No. 6 car will be in Todd’s capable hands next year. Not even Viagra will be able to get him up into the race with the way he drives.