Powerless Five

Hello, fellow fans of the 11th crappiest sport in the world. Whatever you do, don’t think NASCAR can’t lose its treasured spot on that list. It takes serious effort to stay on Maxim's list. But don't worry, these drivers are putting their most incompetent foot forward to keep NASCAR in its rightful place.

THE POWERLESS FIVE

Name Rank LW

Jamie McMurray 5 — If I were Jack Roush, I would quarantine Matt Kenseth. “Suck” is apparently contagious and spreading around his race team. The same week that Greg Biffle recovered, McMurray caught the virus. (Don’t worry, Dave Ragan doesn’t have a virus. His “suck” is genetic so it can’t spread.)

Mark Martin 4 — Next year, Mark is apparently going to drive a Ford in Truck races and a Chevy in Cup races. During the week, he’ll be piloting his Hoveround.

Kevin Harvick 3 — When racing for a championship, practice is totally overrated. Just ask Kevin Harvick. He’s the Busch Series champ. And that’s all that really matters. Forget that Cup crap. Everyone remembers who won the Busch title. Right? Last year it was, you know…that guy…in the car…I think he might had hair and stuff. Yeah that’s the guy.

Michael Waltrip 2 1 I demand an extra inspection of Waltrip’s car. He had to cheat to finish 34th. There’s no way he can run clean and get 33rd.

Robby Gordon 1 — Stupid Robby. You should know better than to bring out a caution on purpose. Not even Dale Earnhardt Jr. can get away with that. And you’re no Dale Earnhardt. You aren’t even Teresa Earnhardt.