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Someone has a Tummy Ache

Remember when you used to ravage entire family packs of gummy worms, bears and other glutinous wildlife? And remember how you’d then writhe in sugary agony for hours afterward, because you were 9 years old and an idiot?

Well, turns out, even if you’re a projected lottery pick in this year’s NBA draft and a star for the Memphis Tigers like Derrick Rose, you're still doing the same thing. In the midst of the Final Four, Rose went buck-wild on bags of candy and ended up missing a practice because of it. Said fellow Tigers star Chris Douglas-Roberts:

"He eats gummy bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts. We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many gummy bears and sour straws.' But he can't... Nobody eats gummy bears more than him."

Yeah, that's fair. The rest of us lift weights, drink muscle milk, and play pick-up ball with the vigor of Wojo, and can't even finish in the top half of our fantasy leagues. Meanwhile, this guy's cleaning out his dorm’s vending machines for sustenance and has a multi-million-dollar contract waiting for him in the League.

Catch Rose playing Kansas for the NCAA title tonight. Unless Hershey's has a blow-out sale.