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Thank God Dick Vitale's Not a Gynecologist

 

vitale_doctor.jpgIf there’s one thing that the average college basketball fan and the hearing impaired can agree on, it’s that Dicky V needs to shut his trap already. But at least we only have to put up with the ESPN analyst's incessant wailing during college hoops season. Imagine what we’d have to hear if he chose another profession?

 

Surgeon:

“IT LOOKS LIKE WE’LL HAVE TO AMPUTATE, BABY!”

 

Airline Security:

“WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SEARCH YOU BABY! UNBUCKLE YOUR BELT AND GET READY FOR A PTP! A PRIME TIME PROBING!”

 

Librarian:

“QUIET PLEASE, BABY!”

 

Sailor:

“ALL SEAMEN TO THE POOP DECK! IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME, BABY!”

 

Newscaster:

“TONIGHT AT 11, THREE DEAD IN FATAL CAR CRASH, BABY!”

 

Quiet voiceover guy at the end of commercials:

“IF YOU SUFFER FROM AN ERECTION LASTING MORE THAN FOUR HOURS, YOU BETTER CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR, BABY!”

 

OB/GYN:

“ACCORDING TO YOUR CHART, IT’S TIME FOR A PAP SMEAR, BABY!”

 

Funeral Director:

“SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, BABY!”

 

The Terminator:

“HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!”

 

Priest:

“I KNOW ONE THING, THAT YOUNG MAN IS A DIAPER DANDY!”