At last count, there are roughly 6.65 billion people on earth, yet only around 18 have the requisite brains and people skills to capably helm a Major League Baseball team. (And only about half of those are actually employed at it.) We asked our readers to pick the worst of them, and you happily obliged. According to you, here are the five worst offenders, for reasons ranging from "inability to construct a functional batting order" to "propensity to viciously slur his own players in Spanglish."
5. Dave Trembley, Baltimore Orioles
Why? Baltimore's bullpen spit the bit last season, so who do they give the managerial gig to? The guy in charge of the bullpen, naturally. Trembley’s path to the gig was a circuitous one; he’s the rare MLB manager who never played the game professionally. Also, we’re not sure if his name is “Dave” Trembley, or “Mike” Trembley, or “Mike Trombley.”
Prediction for 2008: Lots of bunting and prattle about “playing the game the right way” and all those other old-school standbys loved by franchises that lost their way in 1984. Given that the rebuilding Orioles can’t rationally expect to be any good until 2011, Trembley/Trombley might as well get “babysitter” inked onto his business cards.
4. John Gibbons, Toronto Blue Jays
Why: Of all the managers in baseball, he seems the most set in his old-school ways: "When I was your age, a starter threw 145 pitches per game…then he mowed the outfield lawn!" etc. If you're Roy Halladay, A.J. Burnett, or Dustin McGowan, you have to be wondering if Gibbons is an assassin sent from a futuristic society to destroy you. Bonus points: He grunts a lot.
2008 Prediction: Pain, anesthetics, and physical therapy, in that exact order.
3. Willie Randolph, New York Mets
Why: We can't condemn him for not shifting into screech-and-wail mode when the Mets tanked to end 2007, because the same mellow-yellow approach worked just dandy in 2006. That said, asking Phil Humber to start on 14 days' rest in late September was almost as irresponsible as shoehorning Billy Wagner to the hill for his first six-out save after he rode the pine for a week with a dreaded "dead arm."
2008 Prediction: Precisely zero tantrums. Respectful treatment of superstars and clubhouse attendants alike. Lineup musical chairs to keep Carlos Delgado and Moises Alou upright. Numerous quotes like this gem from the Mets' apocalyptic September: "For us, there is a calm and there is a feeling of wellness, even though it hasn't looked that way." Hugs. Lotsa hugs.
2. Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox
Why? He does one thing—handle a pitching staff—extremely well. Everything else? Murp. Despite having a burly masher core of Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome, and Paul Konerko, Ozzie has historically plopped a flitty pip-squeak like Scott Podsednik in front of them. Then there's his, uh, "vocal" leadership skills, better suited to a Friars Club roast than a team that can't win when its young players are cowering in the corner.
2008 Prediction: Ozzie will reduce pitchers Oneli Perez and Ehren Wassermann to tears by referring to them, respectively, as Oneli Penis and Ehren Wassertesticle. Second baseman Danny Richar, however, will thrive when he doesn't bother to translate any of the Spanish-language slurs Ozzie hurls his way.
1. Dusty Baker, Cincinnati Reds
Why? Lapsed prospects like Corey Patterson and Matt Murton have grounds for legal action against the man for torpedoing their development. Pitchers like Carlos Zambrano and Mark Prior threw their arms into pulled pork under his dumb-love stewardship. He champions runts like Neifi Perez, and doesn't believe in on-base percentage, creating lots of bases-empty situations for the middle of the order. Guys like Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent were the deodorant that masked Dusty's stink in San Francisco.
2008 Prediction: By August, hot prospect Homer Bailey's arm will require a federal order of protection. And there will be bunts. Hundreds of bunts. Bunts everywhere. Dusty will be to the bunt what Alexis de Tocqueville was to democracy.
ALSO:
Check out our 2007 rankings.
5. Dave Trembley, Baltimore Orioles Why? Baltimore's bullpen spit the bit last season, so who do they give the managerial gig to? The guy in charge of the bullpen, naturally. Trembley’s path to the gig was a circuitous one; he’s the rare MLB manager who never played the game professionally. Also, we’re not sure if his name is “Dave” Trembley, or “Mike” Trembley, or “Mike Trombley.”
Prediction for 2008: Lots of bunting and prattle about “playing the game the right way” and all those other old-school standbys loved by franchises that lost their way in 1984. Given that the rebuilding Orioles can’t rationally expect to be any good until 2011, Trembley/Trombley might as well get “babysitter” inked onto his business cards.
4. John Gibbons, Toronto Blue Jays Why: Of all the managers in baseball, he seems the most set in his old-school ways: "When I was your age, a starter threw 145 pitches per game…then he mowed the outfield lawn!" etc. If you're Roy Halladay, A.J. Burnett, or Dustin McGowan, you have to be wondering if Gibbons is an assassin sent from a futuristic society to destroy you. Bonus points: He grunts a lot.
2008 Prediction: Pain, anesthetics, and physical therapy, in that exact order.
3. Willie Randolph, New York Mets Why: We can't condemn him for not shifting into screech-and-wail mode when the Mets tanked to end 2007, because the same mellow-yellow approach worked just dandy in 2006. That said, asking Phil Humber to start on 14 days' rest in late September was almost as irresponsible as shoehorning Billy Wagner to the hill for his first six-out save after he rode the pine for a week with a dreaded "dead arm."
2008 Prediction: Precisely zero tantrums. Respectful treatment of superstars and clubhouse attendants alike. Lineup musical chairs to keep Carlos Delgado and Moises Alou upright. Numerous quotes like this gem from the Mets' apocalyptic September: "For us, there is a calm and there is a feeling of wellness, even though it hasn't looked that way." Hugs. Lotsa hugs.
2. Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox Why? He does one thing—handle a pitching staff—extremely well. Everything else? Murp. Despite having a burly masher core of Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome, and Paul Konerko, Ozzie has historically plopped a flitty pip-squeak like Scott Podsednik in front of them. Then there's his, uh, "vocal" leadership skills, better suited to a Friars Club roast than a team that can't win when its young players are cowering in the corner.
2008 Prediction: Ozzie will reduce pitchers Oneli Perez and Ehren Wassermann to tears by referring to them, respectively, as Oneli Penis and Ehren Wassertesticle. Second baseman Danny Richar, however, will thrive when he doesn't bother to translate any of the Spanish-language slurs Ozzie hurls his way.
1. Dusty Baker, Cincinnati Reds Why? Lapsed prospects like Corey Patterson and Matt Murton have grounds for legal action against the man for torpedoing their development. Pitchers like Carlos Zambrano and Mark Prior threw their arms into pulled pork under his dumb-love stewardship. He champions runts like Neifi Perez, and doesn't believe in on-base percentage, creating lots of bases-empty situations for the middle of the order. Guys like Barry Bonds and Jeff Kent were the deodorant that masked Dusty's stink in San Francisco.
2008 Prediction: By August, hot prospect Homer Bailey's arm will require a federal order of protection. And there will be bunts. Hundreds of bunts. Bunts everywhere. Dusty will be to the bunt what Alexis de Tocqueville was to democracy.
ALSO:
Check out our 2007 rankings.