| Racing Ruminations |
| Any hack columnist can predict the top five Checker Auto Shops 500 finishers. I predict the top five and the guy who will finish 17th! |
| SEASON Top five: 51/165 17th: 1–33 |
| 1. Jimmie Johnson |
| 2. Kevin Harvick |
| 3. Denny Hamlin |
| 4. Tony Stewart |
| 5. Kyle Busch |
| 17. Kasey Kahne |
With TV ratings down in six of the eight Chase races this year, it’s clear the races aren’t compelling enough to get you to tune in. I’m sure you all have many reasons for not watching. Personally, I consider any race without Morgan Shepherd to be a waste of my time. But I finally found some reasons to watch. Hopefully they’ll inspire you to switch over between punts on Sunday.
- Kurt Busch, drunk with his deputized power, ignores NASCAR officials waving caution flags, screaming “you must respect my authority!”
- Jimmie Johnson forgets to trim his eyebrows before the races and the forehead hedges grow so long and thick, they blind him by lap 43.
- Not to be outdone by Scott Riggs’ crew, Travis Kvapil’s jackman steals candy from a baby and stomps on a little old lady’s flower bed.
- Michael Waltrip officially gives up on racing and becomes a full-time pitchman, exhorting his crew chief over the radio to stay at a Holiday Inn, rent his furniture from Aaron’s and eat more Whoppers.
- NBC actually pretends to care about NASCAR when it shows more than 18 seconds of racing action between commercials. After the race, NBC producers apologize for the error. The latest Deal of No Deal promo wasn’t cued up in time.