Check out these 12 so-called sports that belong in a watery Mountain Dew–filled grave.
<strong>Unicycling—Lameness Level: 6</strong>- You remember the campus douche who rode a unicycle to class? Don't you wish you could go back and tell him that the words "carnie" and "extreme" don't belong in the same sentence? And punch him?
<strong>Sand Surfing—Lameness Level: 5</strong>- In certain inhospitable environments, sports should simply be outlawed. Oakland is one example; the desert is another. We like snowboarding, too, but you don't see us sliding down a sand dune like Jesus.
<strong>Freestyle Walking—Lameness Level: 10</strong>- Watch me do a 360 off this bench! Now check this out—another 360 off another bench, but this time with a heel click! Hate to break it to you, freestyle walkers, but you're giving ballet a terrible name.
<strong>Pogo Sticking—Lameness Level: 9</strong>- We're in the midst of a pogo sticking renaissance here, people. Today's equipment can skyrocket you higher than ever before. Call us unenlightened, but we think anybody on a stick should burn.
<strong>Rollerblading—Lameness Level: 6</strong>- How were brothers Eito and Takeshi Yasutoko able to dominate the "sport" of aggressive inline skating during its short-lived heyday? Their parents were professional roller-disco skaters in Japan. Just say no to fruit boots.
<strong>Ski Boarding—Lameness Level: 6</strong>- The on-snow equivalent of rollerblading is twice as lame. But small skis are easier to steer, you say? Right, and lapdogs are better than regular dogs (incidentally, both ski boards and lapdogs belong in a purse).
<strong>Razor Scootering—Lameness Level: 8</strong>- Friends don't let friends own scooters, and the only thing worse than riding one to work is riding one recreationally. Let the trucks and decks of 1,000 skateboards rain down on you if you ever approach a half-pipe.
<strong>Zorbing—Lameness Level: 7</strong>- Anybody who willingly climbs into a padded ball belongs in a padded cell. Why? Aside from the fact that you look like your sister's hamster, you're one bad bounce away from an exploded spine. Pretty extreme, bro.
<strong>Street Luge—Lameness Level: 5</strong>- What's "core" about rolling around at shin level on a glorified skateboard? Nothing. If you want to wear tight leather and spend all day on your back, lose the agro attitude and put a red light in your window.
<strong>Ski Biking—Lameness Level: 6</strong>- Skiing or snowboarding—pick one, buy some equipment and get on the effing hill. Sliding down an icy mountain on two wheels with zero traction is a recipe for not only a bike-seat enema, but also a loss of dignity.
<strong>Sky Surfing—Lameness Level: 5</strong>- By combining skydiving and snowboarding you lose what makes these sports independently cool: The freedom of falling unhindered and the style and pureness of shredding snow. Add spandex and your dignity stripping is complete.