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Stick This In Your Mouth: The New Food Of Madison Square Garden

We stuffed our faces at the best restaurant in NYC: Madison Square Garden. That white T-shirt didn't stand a chance.

Maybe it’s because we’re “tastemakers”, maybe it’s because we’re "fucking slobs"--whatever reason, the good people giving The World’s Most Famous Arena a facelift invited Maxim to dig into the new, equally renovated food that is going to fill the screaming faces of Rangers and (fingers crossed) Knicks fans this season. The upshot: Last night, Madison Square Garden was full of celebrity chefs, cranking out food so delicious we reserved our own private bathroom for the next 48 hours just to be sure we could go hog wild without worry. Here are some of the highlights. (Caution: reading this on your lunch break may cause the urge to stomp your Subway sandwich to death.)

Eat this: Chicken Hot Dog with Kim Chee and Spicy Mustard
Where: Simply Chicken
Who made it: Chef Jean-Gorges Vongerichten

We were suspicious that world-famous chef was trying to sneak some healthy bullshit by us, but hot damn, this spicy bastard was delicious. Rest in peace, boring-ass foot-long wieners!

Eat this: Cheese Bratwurst Weinkraut and Mustard
Where: Sausage Boss
Who made it: Chef Andrew Carmellini

Step aside Tony Danza, Chef Andrew is the Boss. The sausage boss has created a cheese-filled meat missile that would make the ghost of Mike Ditka weep. (What’s that? He’s not dead? Sorry, coach.) The animals that were ground up into this dish should feel honored.

Eat this: Lobster Shrimp Roll
Where: Lobster Shrimp Roll by Aquagrill
Who made it: Chef Jeremy Marshall

If Aquaman and The Little Mermaid had a baby, and that baby became an underwater celebrity chef who was able to trick its bestest sea friends into a nicely toasted potato roll, it might taste something like this. The shrimp gave some crunch, the lobster was sweet and succulent and the mayonnaise provided just the right amount of throat lube. Too food porny? Yeah, probably too food porny.

Eat this: Daily Burger with Cheese and Bacon & Onion Jam
Where: Daily Burger
Who made it: Chef Drew Nieporent

Is it hyperbole to say this is the best burger we’ve ever eaten? Yes, if hyperbole means “100% truth.” Holy God in Heaven, the diced-up thick bacon mixed in with cheese and the relish had us going back for thirds on this bad boy. If there was a show called meat patty hoarders, we would have been on it, as our table was piled high with empty Daily Burger cartons. Thanks for the tasty memories, MSG cooking people, do you have any elastic-band pants we can borrow? Go Rangers!