I was pretty sad that party was by invitation only. It looks like a pretty rockin' good time. What with the old lady and veggies and all.

I couldn't get into this one, either. Too bad. I've always dreamed of sitting with 5 other fat guys in an 8'x8' pen with a sign.

Since I couldn't get into those super exclusive parties, I had to go Visit Jenna Haze at her autograph signing. We got a little of her on video which you'll be able to see tomorrow, and I got to shake her hand...the same hand she used to grab onto Bella Donna's liver in some video I saw on the internet.

After that I stopped by the teeth whitening booth (that picture isn't me). I don't know what the hell teeth whitening has to do with porn, but I guess the whole thing looks kind of dirty if you squint really hard. Actually, there's nothing that isn't dirty about having even a cosmetic medical procedure in a booth surrounded by butt plugs and escort services.

Then it was time for Popcorn!

The next booth I visited had rubber ducky shaped vibrators, just in case you're horny and had a childhood you can't talk about outside of the shrink's office.

Finally I stumbled across this ad, which may be the best I've ever seen. Where do you even start? "Comfortable and hygenic sexual intercourse during menstruation?" Gross! "Also perfect for the sauna, for sport and swimming?" That's gross and poorly written! And did they really name their company Joy Division? My head is still filled with questions that will hopefully never be answered.

Check back soon for some video with girls. I promise you cleavage, and lots of it.