Checklist
• 1 pair stereo multimedia microphones with 3.5 mm plugs
• Utility knife
• Stethoscope (check your local drugstore)
• Power drill
• Glue gun
• 3.5 mm Stereo Y adapter
• Recordable MP3 or tape player
• Acute paranoia

Step 1
With an empty glass against the wall, you can’t discern whether your girlfriend just said, “I want to be naughty for you,” or, “I’m glad I TiVo’d The View.” But with this creepy contraption, you can now capture—and record—her voice with clarity. First, pry open the buds of the microphones with the utility knife so you can access what’s inside.

Step 2
The microphones just won’t fit in the stethoscope, no matter how much Astroglide you use? Take the earbuds off the ’scope and drill out the top hole just wide enough for the mikes to fit nice and snug, just like that adult diaper you secretly wear.

Step 3
Put some glue in the earpieces and insert the business end of the mikes facing in; allow them to dry, then put the earpieces back on the stethoscope. Keep plugging away—pretty soon your paranoid delusions will become a painful reality!

Step 4
Connect the 3.5 mm wires into the Y adapter and hook that up to your MP3 player. Now go record what your girlfriend, boss, or neighbor is saying and post it on the Internet. With spy gear this cheap, you’ll have plenty of cash left for legal fees.*