1) BALANCE BEAST
Segway i2, $5,145
Lowdown: Remember seven years ago, when the Segway was supposed to revolutionize transportation? They kept on making ’em anyway.
Speed/Range: Our tester easily maxed out the Seg at 12.5 mph. But with mortals clogging the sidewalk, the four-mile trek to midtown Manhattan took 56 minutes.
Maneuverability: Our man wove Boitano-like 360s in a stream of pedestrians. “It’s like an extension of my body,” he gushed. It hopped four-inch curbs, too.
Coolness: To be seen on the Segway falls somewhere between embarrassing and emotionally scarring. “Segway! Segway!” came the mock cheers from a pub.
 Verdict: It’s fun as hell to ride, but that won’t get you to work on time—or laid.

2) THE FOLD
Strida 5.0, $800
Lowdown: This 22-pound fixed-gear bike breaks down to the size of a hand truck for easy stowing in apartments, offices, and brothels.
Speed/Range: Depends who’s on it. Our tester bolted up to the office in 38 minutes. That time could easily be improved with some doping and a Lycra bodysuit.
Maneuverability: The high seat and weird triangular frame take a few minutes to balance at first but then seem perfectly normal.
Coolness: Not bad! Burly bike messengers gave us props, and one comely lass asked for a ride (see photo).
Verdict: Smart, compact, affordable, and actually kind of cool, even if you don’t shave your legs or get bike tats.

3) DRIVEN TO DRINK
Cruzin Cooler 50-300XE, $399
Lowdown: Sometimes a cooler is just a cooler. But add wheels and a 300-watt motor and it’s the coolest invention ever.
Speed/Range: The icebox tops out at 13 mph, goes 15 miles on a charge, and took an hour to get our tester to work.
Maneuverability: Starting, stopping, and turning prove choppy. Minor bumps result in a punishing jolt to the balls.
Coolness: The Cruzin Cooler is a mag-net for curious womenfolk. One asked our tester for a ride, and he gave it to her. Then she scrawled the Cruzin Cooler Web address on her hand. Seriously.
Verdict: It’s obviously brilliant and per­fect for commuting—provided your “commute” involves drunkenly wheeling around a tailgate party.

4) RE-CYCLE
Vectrix, $8,795
Lowdown: Not all scooters are for scarf-wearing sissies. This electric one goes 0–50 in 6.8 seconds, almost silently.
Speed/Range: The Vectrix tops out at 62 mph and can go 35 to 55 miles on a charge. Our commute took 20 minutes.
Maneuverability: Fast, responsive handling and pickup make this machine more like a sport bike than a scooter. It makes sense that you need a motorcycle license to ride it.
Coolness: Our coolest commute. “Girls were staring hard,” bragged our tester. We didn’t tell him they were probably glaring at the armpit stains on his shirt.
Verdict: We might not take it to Sturgis, but for dodging traffic and Venezuelan oil barons, this ride rules.