Labatt Blue
Pilsner • Ontario
Rich and nuanced, smoother than many of its skunkier Great White North brethren.

Rolling Rock
Pale Lager• St. Louis
More watery than panties at a John Mayer concert; when it comes to a beer with a subtle bite, there’s nothing better.

Ballantine Ale
Ale • Milwaukee
The cornerstore counterpart to malt liquor, the Ballantine 40 has a fruity bouquet and rockets the brain to happyland fast. Hurry!

St. Ides
Malt Liquor • Eden, North Carolina
Oddly reminiscent of watered-down antifreeze—but if it’s good enough for Ice Cube and 2Pac, it’s good enough for us.

Old Style Light
Pale Lager • Milwaukee
This golden brew tastes a little like heaven, especially when downed on the sunny side of Wrigley Field while skipping work or your kid’s parent-teacher conference.

Olde English 800
Malt Liquor • Milwaukee
One of the greatest cheap buzzes in the world; drink this dry-ass beer by the 40 oz.

Colt 45
Malt Liquor • Milwaukee
This malted baby has a grainy flavor that’s as bold as Billy Dee Williams’ mustache. But be sure you know the number of a good bail bondsman, because after a 40 of this it’s fightin’ time!

Dixie
Pale Lager • New Orleans
A surprisingly tasty blend of leather, smoke, and cantaloupe notes, it’s best drunk in the morning with a hangover, a cigarette, and spicy, make-your-head-sweat jambalaya.

Kronenbourg 1664
Pale Lager • France
When not drinking wine, Frenchies are pounding this cheap, spry, pleasantly bitter beer. They drink it by the pint, then make fun of your baseball cap.

Schlitz
Pale Lager • Milwaukee
Just like it says on its bottle, Schlitz is the new-old beer “that made Milwaukee famous.” It’s bitter and watery but invites repeat swallowing.

Lone Star
Pale Lager • San Antonio
Electric chairs, concealed guns, driveways on major highways. Life is cheap in Texas. Thankfully, so is this light, no-frills beer.