So How did you get into collecting Star Wars figures?
Star Wars blew my mind when I was five years old, so I started asking for them every Christmas and birthday. When I became a mature man of some means, I realized I could collect these things on a higher level.

Meaning?
I buy them on eBay or other online stores—they’re preserved in quality acrylic—and then the Action Figure Authority grades the toys on a scale from 10 to 100. The higher the grade, the more they’re worth.

Whoa. This is hardcore nerdy.
Yeah, I’m a fucking nerd. This is Nerdsville.

Do you own any figures that scored a 100?
No, but I have a Darth Vader that scored an 85 and is worth about $1,500. I have the first 12 figures ever released, and they’re probably worth just under $10,000. It’s crazy. I could have bought a car.

What does your wife think about this?
She kind of puts up with it, but she isn’t happy about it. During this shoot, the photographer tried to talk me into wearing a Jedi tunic, but I told him if I did that there would be no chance of me ever having sexual intercourse with my wife again.

Have you ever met George Lucas?
No, but I sat in the front row when he introduced a screening of The Phantom Menace. I could smell his breath.

And what does George Lucas’ breath smell like?
Ewoks. He was also wearing these lovely little cowboy boots.

Life on Mars airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on ABC.