BEST CASE OF CRABS: Jimmy Cantler's Riverside InnAnnapolis, MDFood always tastes better when you have to work for it, and if that work is crushing crustaceans with a wooden mallet, so be it. Hell, just getting to Cantler’s, nestled in an obscure neighborhood on Mill Creek, is a chore. Many regulars do it by boat. But the adventure pays off in the form of tasty good times. Cantler’s has won a heap of awards from regional publications, but their most cherished trophy came from Jimmy Buffett, who named it one of his “10 Great Places for a Waterside Drink” in USA Today. According to GM Darren Donnelly, Cantler’s greatness lies in its authenticity. “Locals deliver their catch right to our dock.” The all-you-can-eat crab feast (including corn) is $28.99 per person, and it’s worth every penny. The sweet fresh meat combined with spicy Old Bay seasoning will knock your aqua socks off. cantlers.com —
Oliver SharpeTHE BEST OF BRINY RESTLobster RollsRed’s Eats • Wiscasset, ME This tiny road-food shrine loads a toasted bun with an entire lobster’s worth of fresh tail and claws.—
S.R. Fried ClamsJ.T. Farnham’s Seafood & Grill • South Essex, MA
Local Ipswich clams fried to a perfect golden crunch, served atop a heart-healthy platter of fries and homestyle onion rings.—
S.R. OystersTony’s Seafood • Marshall, CA
Tony’s is famous for tossing ’em on the grill and slathering ’em with tangy BBQ sauce, garlic, and butter. If oysters didn’t make you horny before, these will.—
S.R. MOST DOWN-HOME FRIED CHICKENGus’sMason, TNThis famous place is a tiny shotgun shack with a ceiling so low the fryer smoke hangs barely above diners’ heads. Breathe deep. The bird meat is crispy and juicy, with a hit of cayenne ($9). So. Fucking. Good.—
S.R. BEST SHOULDER RUB: Mutton SandwichGeorge’s Bar-B-QOwensboro, KYThis cheap eat ($2.99!) is made “off the pit,” meaning the spice-rubbed meat comes freshly sliced as it’s dragged from the barbecue pit. Glorious.—
R.S.CRAZIEST CRAB CREATION: Hard Fried Crab Pappas Seafood Co.Parkville, MD Take a crab, stuff it with crab cake, then fry the whole thing and eat! Hardcore fans order them twice-dredged and twice-fried, which yields a product more like a football than a meal ($6.95). pappascrabcakes.com —
Stephanie ShapiroBEST BUFFALO WINGS IN BUFFALO: Duff's Famous WingsAmherst, NYOK, so technically it’s in Amherst, but it’s close enough to Buffalo. Duff’s makes their wings supercrispy, which helps ’em hold on to their famous sauces ($17 for 20). Speaking of which, manager Ed Conley cautions, “Our ‘death’ sauce is called that for a reason.”—
D.B.LEAST WASTEFUL SPOT: Holeman and FinchAtlanta, GA This new gastropub is serious about hoof-to-tail eating—so serious that they have a $8 dish of fried pigs’ ears and tails. (The ears taste like bacon jerky with a crunchy cornmeal crust.) If you haven’t thrown up in your mouth just thinking about it, book a table. holeman-finch.com—
B.R.GREATEST RESTAURANT MOTTO EVER: "Need no teef to eat my beef."House Park Bar-B-QueAustin, TX —
Theresa EverlineMOST DELICIOUS BURIED BABY: Cochinita PibilSazón Austin, TX Cochinita means “baby pig,” and pibil means “buried.” Got it? The meat ($11.29) is marinated in citrus juice and fiery red achiote, wrapped in banana leaf, and then roasted…for…a…long…time. It’s so good that in Robert Rodriguez’ Once Upon a Time in Mexico, the main character literally kills for it. sazonaustin.com —
T.E.BEST FRENCH DIP: The French LaundryFenton, MI While it isn’t NoCal’s French Laundry, with 37 Michelin stars, this place gets a great big shiny star in the wet meat department. This is all you need to know about their signature sandwich ($10.25): lean, tender roast beef; crusty French bread; sauteed onions; hot, clear gravy with a splash of brandy; and a pickle the size of a baby’s head.—
Bill MotchanSCARIEST DINING ROOM: Kobe ClubNew York, NYLook up. Yes, those are real samurai swords—2,000 of them, in fact—dangling above your head. Relax and enjoy your meal!—
Joe BargmannMOST AWESOMELY DISGUSTING DIVE BAR FOOD: The VandrossThe Gravity PubAtlanta, GASimply stated, the Vandross is a $6.50 bacon cheeseburger served on a halved Krispy Kreme donut. If that’s not gross enough, you could also order the Mulligan, a hot dog encased in ground beef and deep fried. Or you could skip it. thegravitypub.com—
Besha RodellBEST SALAMI HIDER: Armandino BataliSalumi Artisan Cured MeatsSeattle, WAMario Batali’s dad just wanted a fun retirement hobby. He went to Italy, learned the secrets of salumi, and has become a demigod of dried meat to countless chefs. Bow down to his prosciutto! salumicuredmeats.com—
Cynthia Nims
