BEST SANDWICH QUAGMIRE: Bánh Mi
Bánh Mi Saigon Bakery
New York, NY
Two amazing things have come out of Vietnam: Indiana Jones’ sidekick Short Round and the bánh mi sandwich. According to our tongues, the best one (sandwich, not Asian child) is made in this Chinatown shop, which doubles as a jewelry store. Strange? Sure. Delicious? Well, we are giving it an award, folks. There are many varieties, but our fave is the $4.50 house special, which fills an incredibly fresh French baguette with paté, pork roll, and roast pork, all topped with sliced cucumbers, hot peppers, pickled carrots, cilantro, mayo, and hot sauce. The soft bread combined with the crunchy, spicy vegetables, the savory pork, and the creamy paté is enough to short out our keyboard with drool just thinking about it. The bready wonder and the shop won numerous awards given by fat people who eat for a living, but a word of warning: Once you eat one, you will be prone to Nam flashbacks in your mouth.—D.B.

BIGGEST TEQUILA BAR: El Agave
San Diego, CA
Crazy for cactus liquor? Worm your way into this famed tequileria, which serves more than 450 tequilas and has been named the nation’s top tequila spot by the likes of Gourmet magazine and boozehound bible Cocktails and Spirits. Whether you’re craving an impeccably constructed margarita or a shot of the swillery’s own El Agave Artesanal Extra Aged tequila ($150 a shot), you’re in for the best night of drinking you will never remember. elagave.com —C.W.

TASTIEST MIDDLE EASTERN BBQ: Khan BBQ
Chicago, IL
Pakistani-born pitmaster Amjad Khan doesn’t serve pork (he’s Muslim), but his love for what charcoal does to meat makes him part of the BBQ brotherhood all the same. His signature dish, the chicken boti ($6.50), is flecked with both luminous green spices and black bits of char. Bite in and the tender meat explodes in your mouth like a Bollywood dance number in psychedelic Technicolor.—Michael Gebert

WEIRDEST BEVERAGE: Buttermilk
Hot Dog Johnny’s
Buttzville, NJ
Yep, it is really located in Buttzville. After wolfing down a deep-fried dog, most patrons pick one of the two beverages for which the stand is famous: a mug of birch beer or a tall glass of…buttermilk ($1.25). Yum? hotdogjohnny.com —R.S.

BEST REINVENTION OF A SCHOOL LUNCH STAPLE: Wild Boar Sloppy Joe
Quinn’s Pub
Seattle, WA
The wild boar sloppy joe with crispy sage and deep-fried onions is this Seattle gastropub’s show-stopper. Served open-faced on a sesame-seed bun, it’s as sloppy as the ones you had in grade school, but the fried jalapeño on top graduates this beast to head of the class. quinnspub.com— C.N.

MOST OVERWORKED STAFF: McCrady’s
Charleston, SC
Head chef Sean Brock takes control freak to the next level: He started a pig farm and a veggie farm to supply his restaurant. The cooks work the farm as part of their jobs—there are no farm employees. Brock’s dishes are crazily ingredient-focused, each component coaxed to a paragon of flavor. As he says, “When you push a carrot seed into the ground and stare at it for 60 days waiting for it to grow, you look at that carrot differently when it finally makes its way into the kitchen.” We can just imagine where his dirt-covered chefs would like him to stick it. mccradysrestaurant.com— B.R.

SMARTEST SOMMELIER: Aldo Sohm
Le Bernardin
New York, NY
In 2006 the wine director at New York Times four-star seafood mecca Le Bernardin was named the Big Apple’s best sommelier by New York magazine. A year later, he was named the country’s best sommelier by the American Sommelier Association. And in May of this year the 36-year-old Sohm won the World Sommelier Contest in Rome. Dude knows his grapes! le-bernadin.com— D.S.

FLAKIEST FLAKES: Sunrise Biscuit Kitchen
Chapel Hill, NC
This 35-year-old kitchen is just a drive-through on the side of the road, yet it has a constant line of cars outside waiting for fluffy deliciousness. Made from scratch, the big, flaky biscuits melt with egg, cheese, and bacon but are strong enough to hold up to fried chicken. You need two hands to hold this much love. So long, booze flu!—B.R.