Phat Rolls
True gentlemen will leave Bentleys to rappers and plunk their cashmere-clad asses on the fine leather seats of the new Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupe. It’s lighter than the standard Phantom but shares the same 453 hp V-12 aluminum engine, so it’ll whip past the poor faster than a mortgage bailout. But you buy a Rolls for the nuances. Like the starlight headliner—1,600 hand-fixed lights attached to the leather ceiling that create the illusion of the night sky. Subtle. $400,000, rolls-roycemotorcars.com

Cigartistry
Whether you’re at the golf course or the poker table, having a Padron 1964 Anniversary Cigar hanging out of your mouth will let people know that you can appreciate the complex aromas and incredible hand-rolled balance of a classic phallic symbol. $12–$22, cigar.com

Pimp Cap
The Bailey of Hollywood Shylock hat is 100 percent wool and has a tightly pinched crown, making it the best way to cover up a bald spot since the comb-over. $55, hats.com

Wrist Management
Sure, your Rolex Submariner is a classic, but it isn’t endorsed by a genuine James Bond villain like the Oddjob watch from Swatch’s 007 Villains Collection. Its gold finish and four-dial face make it ultra-stylish. Unfortunately, this watch can’t protect you from a well-placed bladed-hat throw. $235, swatch.com

Make Your Case
The Orator’s Briefcase PA System looks like any other piece of luggage, but flip it open to reveal a microphone, a 20-watt amplifier, two four-inch speakers, and a lectern to hold your speech. It’s great for ad sales execs and insane street preachers with a sense of style. $350, hammacher.com


Talking Point
The Jawbone Bluetooth Headset uses an advanced voice activity sensor and something they call NoiseAssassin algorithms for the audio clarity required to fire someone’s sorry ass from the comfort of a Gulfstream. Plus, it comes in silver, black, and gold to match your tongue, heart, and pinkie ring, respectively. $129, us.jawbone.com