On July 2,1937, America lost one of its original heroines when, in an attempt to fly around the world, adventurer Amelia Earhart disappeared forever over the Pacific Ocean—or so America thought. As this photo clearly shows, Amelia is alive and well. What has she been up to since her mysterious vanishing act? We tracked her down and asked her.
STUFF: Hi, Amelia, how are you? AMELIA: Oh, just kickin’ it.
Where have you been these last 67 years? Man, I been all up in the clouds and outer space and shit.
What do you mean? There I was flying my ride, coolin’ the hell out, thinking of all the male tail I’ma get when I land this bird. When-bam!—this light beam comes out of nowhere and snatches my shit up.
You were abducted by aliens? Of course I was, ya dumbass! Some E.T.-lookin’ brothers had some crazy ass disintegrator ray that broke my molecular ass down and reformed that shit inside their space ship.
Wait, how do you know about E.T.? That movie didn’t come out until 45 years after your disappearance. They had a disintegration beam—you don’t think they know how to work a DVD player? You dumber than the Zytorg who shot his foot off trying to clean his Transphase Eradication Rod! Oh, snap! All my homies in Space sector 17-C are hollerin’ at that one!
The world must have changed a lot since you’ve been gone. Sure has. You were born since I been gone, so you know that means the world got 10 times uglier! Oh, snap!
The books we read about you in elementary school didn’t portray you as being so mean. That’s ’cause I spent the last year redoctrinating myself into society by studying modern pop culture! That Snoop Dogg is tha shiznit!
Um, well, thanks for your time, Amelia. Any time, playa. Hey, you know where Lindbergh at? Playa owes me 10 farthings.
He’s been dead for a long time. Ain’t that about a bitch?
