January 9, 2013
- Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizza, Los Angeles CA
We know this might be considered pizza sin, but our top choice to competitively eat pizza isn’t in New York or Chicago, but Los Angeles. Specifically, Big Mama’s and Papa’s Pizza in Los Angeles, where you can wrangle up four friends and attempt to eat 54” of pizza. This Andre the Giant of pizzas weighs in at 20 lbs. of dough, 100 oz. of pizza sauce, and 12 lbs. of mozzarella cheese. Depending on how many toppings you add (read: How badly you need to prove the indestructible nature of your stomach lining) the final product could weigh somewhere between 40-50 lbs.
If you and your buddies can stuff all 50lbs of pizza into your mouths in less than two hours, you’ll win a grand. Think of all the Pepto Bismol you can buy with $1,000!
- Mongo Burrito, Sarasota FL
For some people, a burrito is a meal most commonly followed by the sensation of regret, shamefully washing over them as they look down at the burrito-less empty plate, the crumpled tin foil and the six empty margarita glasses littering the table. For other people, it’s a meal followed by the sensation of regret caused by the fact that there aren’t seven more pounds of burrito to chow down on. If you’re in the latter group, this contest – which requires you to swallow an eight-pound burrito in under an hour - is for you.
If you can finish all 8lbs of this Mexican sack of meat in under an hour, not only does the burrito cost nothing (zero US dollars, cost of shame/dignity/overall health not guaranteed), but they will give you a free dinner each month, or $150 for non-Floridians.
- Scrub Ridge Inn, McConnellsburg PA
Walking in to Scrub Ridge Inn, you’ll only see two faces on the wall of fame for this challenge. Yes, in the past 15 years, only two people have been able to take down the 84oz steak. That’s right: 84oz. Sure, big men eat 72oz steaks, but legends eat all 84oz. Imagine the size of that porterhouse, staring back at you, its mass threatening to suck spacetime itself into a gaping black hole. But you won’t have that: You’re going to stuff all 84oz of bovine in your gut in less than an hour, because that’s what you were put on this planet to do. And later, we’ll see what the old ball and chain has to say about childbirth when you stagger, bow-legged and sweating, out of your soon-to-be-condemned bathroom.
Being in the select company of two conquerors of man, universe and cow. And the steak is free, which is good, ‘cause you’re gonna need to call an extra-large taxi home.
- Girvan Grille, Brooklyn Park, MN
Eat ten “ghost wings” in under 15 minutes without any other food, beverage or bathroom breaks (no, you can’t even lick your tears, you baby). Ghost wings are aptly named, doused as they are in the Bhut Jolokia, or “ghost chili”. Native to Northern India, these small, wrinkled monsters have double the Scoville units of habanera chilies (remember, Scoville units measure spiciness, not devastation done to your bowels, although Maxim’s team of crack scientists assure us that the two are basically interchangeable).
If all the wings are completely eaten - and you’re not hallucinating - you will be awarded a Girvan Grille Ghost Wings Challenge T-shirt, as well as a picture on the restaurant’s online “Wall of Flame.” The current record is 38 wings, and that guy’s smug face will burn into your consciousness as you cry your way through just six.
- Paddy Long’s, Chicago IL
All those terrible years of your mom holding you to only two pounds of bacon each morning will be forgotten in delicious form at Paddy Long’s. The Bacon Bomb consists of five pounds of ground sausage, pork, and beef, all wrapped in a weave of brown sugar bacon and slow cooked on their pig roaster. All that, and a side of fries: If this isn't what ol’ Johnny Baconseed had in mind when he planted all those bacon seeds across America back in 1797, we don't know what is.
If you complete the entire five pounds of bacon-wrapped meat and French fries in 45 minutes, you get a free T-shirt, a spot on the wall, and your Bacon Bomb is free (a $50 value). You’ll also have the pleasure of smelling like frying bacon every time you sweat for the next 72 hours.
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