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5 New Toys That Blew Our Minds

And one that made us blow chunks.

 

We dropped by Hasbro's Toy Fair exhibition today, and once we'd apologized for breaking in through the bathroom window, they agreed to show us around if we stopped crying and put all the Spider-Man toys back where we found them. As you'd expect, there was a lot of cool stuff on display, but here are the ones that we found either awesome, weird, or awesomely weird.

 

Wu-Tang Clan G.I. Joe

 

It turns out, the delayed-by-a-year, Adrianne Palicki-starring G.I. Joe: Retaliation movie also stars Wu-Tang Clan's RZA as martial arts guru Blind Master. This makes sense, since RZA is pretty well known for his love of the flying fists and feet, but the best part is, we now get to own a RZA action figure! That's right, parents - the guy who recorded this and this is now available for your impressionable young child to play with! Sometimes, something too awesome to exist ends up existing anyway, and everything just seems right with the world. In other G.I. Joe news, you know the rumors that the year-long delay had nothing to do with the 3D conversion, and everything to do with the fact that the studio decided Channing Tatum was a more bankable star than expected, and re-shot the movie so that he didn't get killed in the first five minutes? The below toy does not exactly contradict that rumor.

 

 

Doctor Whooves

 

You may have noticed that a lot of people on the internet are quite fond of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. And when we say "quite fond" we mean, "raving insane lunatics." While we don't claim to understand the Bronie movement, we have to show our respect for any group of oddballs that insists so hard that one character should change its name to a Doctor Who homage that the company actually goes ahead and changes it. The end result is Doctor Whooves here, which we'd be considering getting as a tattoo if our girlfriends wouldn't immediately leave us for, you know, an actual man. By the way, if you mash this up with the previous item, you get literally the best thing that has ever been on the internet, ever.

 

The Make-Your-Friends-Hate-You Gun


We have a history of showing our appreciation for NERF guns, and it goes without saying that we're cool with water pistols, but this one may be a step too far for most people. This sneaky beast comes with a special ice container for the express purpose of making the water extra, extra freezing cold before firing it at snoozing sunbathers. While we kind of admire the deviousness of this device, we're intrigued to know how many people are going to have ice-soaking-induced heart attacks this summer.

 

Bruce Campbell Iron Man


We love Iron Man. We love Bruce Campbell. And thanks to this series of Iron Man 3 toys - whose main selling point is a mix'n'match feature that lets you swap limbs, heads, etc. - we found we were able to make our very own Evil Dead Iron Man figure! We like to think this guy's right in the middle of his iconic "This is my boomstick" speech.

 

The Return Of Furby

 

The new generation of Furbies is smarter, louder, and generally more frightening than ever. If you're into this sort of thing, good for you, but if you've ever been locked in a room with one when you're high off your ass, you'll know just how terrifying these things can be.

 

Bonus Entry: The Toy For That Nephew You Hate

 

Yes, there is a range of singing One Direction dolls. You may now prepare for the looming apocalypse.

 

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