We've got an inside deal for some merch on the cheap. You in?
You remember everything your overweight, Cheetos-smelling troop leader (who, somewhat suspiciously, had lipstick on his teeth) taught you in Boy Scouts, right? C’mon, man, you’re stuck in a hole where no one will ever find you. Ever. Still can’t remember? Well, you can prepare to die, or you can check out this new survival kit from Rotocade. The Adventure Medical SOL Origin Tool is a man’s best friend, fully-equipped with an AUS-8 drop-point blade that we can’t wait to cut our own arm off with, a (twisted) fire starter, a compass and a 10-foot stainless steel wire to get you out of any death trap you encounter (provided the escape involves a long stainless steel wire and lots of unmanly sobbing). Click “Buy Now,” and do what we would do: leave without telling anyone and get yourself stuck in a 100-foot ravine filled with rattlesnakes that resemble Hannibal Lecter, Rosanne Barr and that “Friday” song playing nonstop. Damn, we’re good.