There’s really an app to check if someone has an STD? Yikes.
"Hey, your crabs are making friends with my crabs! That's adorable."
Here’s the scenario: You’re tooling around on your iPhone’s Skout app for a few days, and you luck up chatting with a hottie. The two of you meet for drinks, and your pheromones are ringing off the meter. You both want to do the deed, but this is online dating, right? You could wear a Naked Gun condom onesie and still get burned. So what do you do? You simply pull up Qpid.me on your phone. It’s an app that lets new bush bumpers (that's right, we said bush bumpers, deal with it) share their STD status before the clothes come off. All the two of you have to do is sign up at Qpid.me (for free!) - the app’s creepy staff will immediately fax your doctor or neighborhood clinic to confirm your latest test results, and you and your equally hump-happy friend can privately share it with one another via text or a link to your profile. Then, you’re free to share whatever else your horny little hearts desire.
But here’s a nickel’s worth of free advice: Use a condom, genius. Qpid.me only confirms “The Big 4” STDs, so we can’t be responsible for that subsequent blister on your lip, or a nasty dose of space-cooties (that's actually a thing, right?)