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Ten Things Chris Christie Is Not Doing

The governor of New Jersey has made it very clear what he won't be doing this election cycle...

1. Running for president.

2. Asking for Apple Dippers instead of fries with his Happy Meal.

3. Doing well in a game of Hide ‘n’ Seek.

4. Screaming, “No pain, no gain!” from atop his Stairmaster.

5. Working lifeguard duty at the local pool.

6. Filling his basket with fresh fruits and vegetables at the grocery store.

7. Settling comfortably into an airplane seat.

8. Pulling his underwear out of his crack with minimal effort.

9. Seeing his own genitals.

10. Wondering if this list is subtly implying that he is a touch on the plump side.