The Bills are living on a prayer (you will hear this joke 4,000 times), strokes are not as job-protecting as cancer, and Patriots conspiracy theories are a hoot.
Photo: Boston Globe via Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2013
Everything About The Sunday Night Game Was Insane
The New England Patriots’ miracle comeback against the Denver Broncos was bonkers for a plethora of reasons: Going into Sunday night’s game, in the history of the NFL, teams that trailed by 24 points or more at the half were a combined 4-485; Patriot coach Bill Belichick opted to kick in overtime; two photographers got in a fight at the end of the game; and both teams combined for an amazing 11 fumbles. Two of the Denver fumbles? Muffed punts by…FORMER PATRIOT PLAYERS. Could Wes Welker’s game-losing fumble have been due to his concussion? The crazy swirling wind? Poor communication with the kick return team? Maybe. Is it far more likely that this was a grand conspiracy involving carefully planned trades, player releases, weather manipulation, and black sorcery by the master of evil, coach Belicheaterjerkface? Yes. Yes it is.
Bon Jovi Wants To Buy The Bills
Here are the following headlines you can now expect:
“Bills: Born To Be His Baby?”
“Wanted: Dead or the Bills”
“Livin’ on the Bills”
“Wild In The Street For The Bills”
“You Give Love a Bad Name (The Bills)”
Texan Fans Don’t Care If Kubiak Had A Stroke
Even if your brain is literally exploding from stress, Texan fans will still want you fired if you’re having a bad season. When Chuck Pagano had cancer, did the Colts fire him? No! Of course, the Colts had and continue to have good seasons…but still. Since taking over in 2006, Kubiak has gone 61-55 and won two division titles with the Texans. While the team has had zero playoff success, it’s never been really bad until this season. You can argue the team would be doing coach Kubiak a favor by firing him if the job is making his body destroy itself. But if the guy is laying his health on the line to make your team better, wouldn’t you want to keep him? Who would you hire to replace him? Norv Turner’s probably available!
Larry Fitzgerald Became The Youngest Player In History To Reach 11,000 Yards And It Doesn’t Matter Because He Plays For The Cardinals
Sports history is filled with remarkable individual players who were unlucky enough to play for bad teams. Larry Fitzgerald is one of the greatest NFL receivers of all time, but because he plays for one of the most moribund franchises in the world, it may never matter. Unless Larry leaves (or Jesus lightning reincarnates the corpse of Kurt Warner), the Cardinals just seem like a team fated to never make it. Even now that they’re good, they find themselves in one of the toughest divisions in football. Yes, Carson Palmer has suddenly rejuvenated his career. Yes, the Cardinals are 7-4, but their last two games of the season are against the 49ers and the Seahawks. Fitzgerald and the Cardinals feels like the Lions and Berry Sanders – doomed no matter how good they ever get.
Yes, Professional NFL Players, There Can Be Ties
Seriously? Do we just have to do this every few years?
Check out 5 Things We Learned From The NFL: Week 11 and 5 Things We Learned From The NFL: Week 10